Thursday, May 26, 2011

How others see us


Serving people over a glass counter as I do most days of the week, I notice small details. Not in a fact-finding way, just in passing, it seeps into my consciousness. It verifies someone’s image to me in an unthinking way.

There seem to be two types of women as far as I can see.

Picture if you will, a harassed and unkempt woman. She opens her handbag and searches for her wallet through the used tissues and receipts. Her hands are dry and nails perfunctory. She might be wearing wedding and engagement rings but they barely manage to bring beauty to her hands.

She curses as she opens her wallet and discovers her cash-card is missing. Panicking to herself what pocket she might have tucked it into she discovers it floating around in the bottom of her bag. I see this more often than you’d think. This type keeps every receipt from the past six months in her wallet. Some bags and wallets literally bulge with paper and coffee cards. And the offenders don’t necessarily have young children either (when I know you have to carry around everything under the sun).

Here is our other type of lady (the one I try to aspire to). I have served a couple of these in the last few days and their image stays with me in an altogether more pleasant and serene way.

A handbag that looks either new-ish or well looked after is placed on the counter. A pair of moisturised hands with manicured (polished or bare) nails reaches in and pulls out a tidy wallet. These women never seem harassed or rushed, even if they might be. The wallet is not cracked and it is not dirty. She opens it up and chooses her card.

While she is paying, I have time to notice that she has a lovely soft fragrance on, light makeup, hair styled. She is wearing becoming jewellery and colours that light up her face, often with a soft scarf draped around her neck. A couple of our customers that come to mind have lovely gentle speaking voices and smile often.

Have you ever noticed that some people seem to have a permanently annoyed look on their face, even when the situation is neutral or good? Not these lovely creatures. Their faces are soft and pleasant.

Think about how you give yourself away when next out shopping. As for me, I plan to clean out my bag and wallet. I do it on a semi-regular basis but it’s due for another. It is probably these feminine ladies at the counter who are the catalyst for a bag-clean at my place.

My favourite way to bag-clean is find a nice big space of carpet at home and tip everything out. Hold the bag upside down and shake it. It’s best done when you are due to vacuum, not after. Consider everything that goes back into the bag. Some things that I carry around ‘just in case’ only come out when I do this. Perhaps I will have to be more ruthless next time.

Amended to add: Please do not think I am being judgemental. Reading back through this post perhaps I come across that way. At times I have portrayed the first woman, and, to add insult to injury, I am rude to the person serving me because I am in a grump or have been charged the wrong price (again) at the supermarket.

When I post these observations it is not to make others feel bad (I really hope you don't take it that way), but to show how others inspire me to be a better version of myself.

As my sister wisely pointed out, most of us are a mix of these two women and usually would sit somewhere in the middle. We all have off days, and we also have things in our life that others do not know of, sometimes they can be major in the case of illness or unhappy life changes. And then picking someone to bits because their bag is messy seems rather pathetic.

And of course if you have a child or three in tow, my hat goes off to you just keeping it together. Not having children I don't know how difficult it is to get everything done in a day (and have time for hand-cream).

My blog is a place to be light-hearted and pretty and I hope you take my posts that way.


Image of Ines, who would surely have a very neat bag, from keepitchic.com

25 comments:

  1. What an excellent reminder - thanks so much!

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  2. How thrilled I am that two of my favorite bloggers posted about handbags today--my favorite accessory!! (Check out aestheticalterations.blogspot.com today too). Interesting observations, Fiona. I actually have been selling handbags for 2.5 years (no! not knock-offs) and I have some horrific stories of women, how they keep their handbags, their person, their homes. I am saddened by the number of women who do not see the value in taking "time"--well deserved time--for themselves. Once one does, it is easy to keep it to a routine of little rituals that really don't take long if you stay on top of it. xxBliss

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  3. Handbags can be a catch all for all and sundry...
    you have inspired me to get rid of those paper receipts!

    Carrying a bag that is too large spells trouble!

    Your observations are very keen Fiona!

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  4. Oh my! A reminder to repair the frayed edge expensive-designer-well-used wallet given to me by my Mum - proof that an item may be 'high end' but will look shabby if one (moi) does not look after it! (Don't tell my Mum)

    What an interesting post, Fiona, as I see you as the second example of shining and pretty order. Your blog inspires me to be more elegant with every post! Thank you!

    A bientot,
    Jeanne

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  5. A subject near and dear to my heart. I love handbag organization and an orderly neat bag. But it's hard to keep up. Specifically with my wallet, I notice when I keep it in order and deal with my receipts on a daily basis, recording everything down and not running on empty with cash, my finances seem to be in better order overall. On the other hand if I let my wallet "go" and have lots of paper receipts in there, little cash, and general overstuffing of the wallet, I'm usually overspending. I think it has to do with keeping track of my exact bank balance and just being aware. Plus, I just feel more organized when my purse is not cluttered.

    I'm cleaning mine out tonight. Thanks for the reminder!

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  6. Thanks to another blog, I know claim Friday as my day to clean out my purse and my car. It's so nice when someone gets in to ride with me to not have to shove things out of the way, or rearrange a bunch of tidbits (and I sometimes find a good portion of a wardrobe tucked behind my seat!) I still feel a bit like woman #1 at times, but looking like woman #2 gives me a bit of an easier go through the day.

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  7. I really loved this post so much, that though I was running out the door and didn't have time to comment earlier I left it up for several hours so I would be sure to when I got home.

    One of my biggest pet peeves is a disorganized handbag. And unfortunately since mine doesn't have more than a single zippered pocket, mine seems to be constantly cluttered. I carry around sunscreen, lip balm, hand lotion, deodorant that I really need to find a small bag for so I can find everything easy peasy. I do think an organized handbag is tres chic and shows you take care with your things.

    So, essentially, thank you so much for the reminder!

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  8. Kalee, I have a small, flat, zip makeup purse which goes into my bag with my wallet, keys and phone. In it is a concise collection (concise because it has to be, the bag is small) of pressed powder, eyebrow comb, hair elastic, lipstick and gloss, and a few other necessities. When I change bags, I only have a few things to swap over. Plus, it looks neater than having those things scattered throughout my bag.

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  9. The Hand bag! Maybe a reflection of the "over all" state of our lives and how we live it? To be sloppy and unorganized or tidy and attuned to the details of our own lives? A sorry "state of affairs" for many women!

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  10. Hi Fiona- I am with you! I like to clean my bag and wallet out once a week. It really is amazing how much stuff can accumulate there. I am always reminded of the scene in Amelie where her mother enjoys cleaning out her handbag. I think what you've cottoned on to with these types of women goes so much deeper than maintaining your personal appearance. It is about the difference between a positive outlook and a negative one. So important. xx

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  11. I think this post is great and I don't see anything wrong with expressing your opinion even if it might sound a bit harsh to some people. We can't please all the people all the time and if you can't voice your views on your own blog then where? If somebody doesn't like it they don't have to read it. I actually have a tag called "Opinionated?Moi?" on my blog because - well - I am ;-)

    Right, I'm off to tidy up my handbag ;-) Have a lovely weekend, Love from London xo

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  12. PS: I've added your blog to my sidebar because I do like people with opinions ;-D Hope that's ok xo

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  13. I loved this post, because it is so true.

    I have always said that when my hand-bag is a mess it is a sign that the rest of my life generally is out of balance too - usually as a result of too much time spent at work, or on the internet at home and I am not spending enough time looking after myself.


    So after reading your post, I got up and sorted out my hand-bag then gave myself a much needed manicure, finished off with two layers of chic neutral nail varnish.

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  14. I can't tell you how much I've appreciated this post. I am one of those women who keeps a tidy purse/wallet and did not realize other women would even take notice. Now if I can only work on my manicure!

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  15. I love this post. I, too notice the difference between harassed/ unkempt and poised and polished. I think I have fallen into the first scenario while having my worst most stressful days as a single mom. It did not feel good to not have the time or energy to get myself together. Perhaps because I looked fit, I wasn't as judged as being a total slouch, but I know my appearance said, "hassled, harried and stressed". Not good.

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  16. It's good to be reminded of how others might view us and your 'characters' do a good job of painting the picture you're trying to show us. I've been reading here for a while and I've never felt that you were belittling anyone. Nice of you to be concerned about that, though. Your sister sounds pretty smart - most of us are in the middle rather than at one end of the continuum...at least I hope I'm closer to the middle than the first end!! :-}

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  17. Growing up with a mother who was the very picture of what you described (messy handbag lady), I strove to be the opposite. I keep a very tidy bag like it's a religion. I just abhor a mess. Also, I want to come across as elegant, in control, and to actually enjoy the shopping process. And my receipts are entered in to my spreadsheets every day!

    My mother's bag was where the leftovers from a restaurant dinner were toted back home, and on several occassions she forgot to remove the doggie bag for a couple of days. Along with receipts, used tissue, the works...

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  18. Rebecca, I enter my receipts into a spreadsheet most days too. I then file them by month in envelopes in a shoebox. If I need to find a receipt for some reason I look it up on my spreadsheet and can then go straight to that month.

    It also keeps a running tally of how much is in our bank accounts or on the Visa. I've done this for years and I feel in control.

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  19. Fiona, I always enjoy your posts and welcome the reminders to me to not be "that woman." As you pointed out, none of us is perfect but I want to lean in that direction and appreciate all your reminders. I'm off to clean out MY bag before I head out for the day. :)

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  20. Such a lovely blog. Thank you for the reminder, not so much to clean out my handbag, but to remember to take an extra minute to be pleasant and polite to all that I meet. It is certainly not the person at the supermarket's (on anywhere else) fault that my day has not gone as I have planned it, nor will being impolite make it any better. I am trying to remember to appear calm and pleasant and save my 'meltdowns' for home. Thank you again.

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  21. I'm neither of the two ladies you mentioned in your post above. Both are such extremes, which I'm not fond of. I'm always the gloves-wearing girl with an antique bag;-)

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  22. Fabulous post! I try to keep my handbag tidy, but I will admit to being disorganized at certain times in my life. Last weekend I was traveling via airplane and that was a major motivator for me to have a very tidy bag. I'm pretty organized in my daily life and keep my car pretty tidy (as that used to be my downfall.) Have a fabulous week! xxoo :)

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  23. I'll put my chipped unmoisturised hand up and say I'm the Hybrid - I'm the one who the cashiers like to chat to, who get the look of relief come over their face when they see me coming in the queue. They all seem to want to chat with me, because I'm me. And I appreciate them being themselves. They can relax with me, and do.

    Some weeks I have a bundle of receipts in the bag, some I don't. My wallet is nearly always at the front of the bag, and the card is nearly always in it. The routines work, but being religious about it doesn't for me. I've found if I get too obsessed with having everything just-so I forget to enjoy life, to smile, to listen, to be at peace within myself, to release peace, and love, and pleasure, and fun to others I see along the way.

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  24. Great post...I really agree with you...your blog is lovely..I'm so pleased I've found it...I'm a new follower!
    Have a great weekend...look after your handbag :)
    http://wwwcatherinerobinsoncashmere.blogspot.com/

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  25. Great post...I really agree with you...your blog is lovely..I'm so pleased I've found it...I'm a new follower!
    Have a great weekend...look after your handbag :)
    http://wwwcatherinerobinsoncashmere.blogspot.com/

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Merci for your comment. Wishing you a chic day!

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