Rainy autumn days and bumps in the road, but life is still good!

Dear friends,

Yesterday we took the doggies out for a walk on a rainy, mild autumn day here in Hawke’s Bay, New Zealand. Micky’s (our white dog) favourite walk is around Ahuriri Beach so off we went. It was raining when we drove there, but cleared up just as we parked. Then, as we were getting back to the car it start spitting again. We timed it perfectly!

Daphne and Chloe love a walk too but are more nervous than Micky when we are out.

How lovely does the sky look? Threatening but bright haha. This photo turned out so well with the tussock in the foreground. Very pretty and well balanced too! It’s such a lovely public area, and you can see the Napier Port in the background.

 

 

 

Since my last post I’ve been through a lot, again! It seems like everything is a lot at the moment. After my radiation treatment I felt great and thought I had escaped the post-radiation fatigue. But less than a week after we returned home from our Palmerston North jaunt, my wheels fell off. I’d felt good all day, been for a lovely massage for my arm and hand lymphedema, but when I got home and was prepping dinner I felt so down all of a sudden.

Everything seemed overwhelming and difficult, and it was like I was plunged into a deep depression where nothing felt good and I couldn’t even crack a fake smile let alone a real one. I felt so flat. Paul took over dinner when he got home from work. He has been a star taking over everything since I was first diagnosed, and I decided an early night would fix things. At least that part of my brain was working well, but not much else was.

But the next morning I felt just the same. Boo! Miraculously though, during the day I felt a little bit better, and then I was out of it. It was the strangest thing, 24 hours of awfulness. I think it was because I’d had this short, sharp course of radiation that it hit me hard and quick. And I got quite tired after that but am feeling a bit better now. I just didn’t realise the fatigue would be emotional as well as physical, but now I do.

Apparently just because I’d ‘only’ had one week of radiation it wasn’t less. It was bigger doses delivered daily, and from my research was the equivalent of a 3-4 week radiation course. Wow.

And I’m still doing self-management on my lymphedema hand and arm. You can see in the photos I am wearing a black compression sleeve under my shirt, and a beige compression glove. I also wear a little patch of bumpy fabric called MobiDerm under my glove on the back of my hand because that’s the area that is still swollen. MobiDerm looks a bit like bubble wrap, but it’s made of papery fabric. All the little bumps in it massage the back of my hand as I move.

I also do lymphatic drainage massage across my clavicle bones, into my underarms, and down my left arm and hand multiple times a day. Yeah, I’m over it, it really is getting me down, but I need to keep going as I want to resolve it, not have it be a thing I have to deal with forever. I think that’s the thing that bums me out the most, the not knowing how long it will last.

At least with my surgery, it was scary for sure, but then it was done. And same with my radiation. But the swelling that has already been there a month and a half, and sometimes looks improved, and sometimes looks worse, it’s ongoing. I do have to say though, in the last three days or so I am seeing continued if tiny improvement so I will cling to that :)

I do think it will get better, and I’m willing to give it the time and effort it needs. I’m saying to myself ‘April, May, June’, giving myself that timeframe to manage and resolve it. Positive thinking, putting it out there, and acting-as-if all rolled into one!

And aside from that, I have little shooting, zingy breast pains often, particularly on the left side, and that’s from all the nerve endings rejoining and healing. They aren’t debilitating, just unsettling, even if I know they mean good things. But still, I know I am one of the lucky ones. A lot of other people have far worse health prognoses, and I appreciate that.

But let’s get back to our lovely walk:

 

 

 

I’ve been really enjoying my curly hair! I wash it every second day and put a little product in (a light gel-creme) and comb it, then let it air-dry. It happens pretty quick since it’s still quite mild here, but in the winter I won’t want it wet for that long. By that time my hand ‘should’ be better and holding a hairdryer for a long time will be comfortable.

I’m sure I could do it now, it only takes around 15 minutes to dry my hair nicely with a brush and a blowdryer, but it’s nice to have the break and air-dry for a while. I’m enjoying doing Project Pan on my hair products too. I don’t use much at a time since my hair gets weighed down easily, so I have a few different products I’m working through. The gel-creme tube (a L’Oreal Professional product that I’ve had for ages) is almost empty and I think today will be the day, hoorah! Another product panned!

We had a nice Easter, just quiet at home. Paul worked a few days, being in hospitality at a local winery, and they were very busy with lots of people coming into Hawke’s Bay for the long weekend which is good for the local economy, yay.

We hadn’t really had any Easter eggs, so on the way home from our dog walk yesterday we called into the supermarket to get a few treats which was yum :)

 

 

 

How cool does the sky look (above)? I love the line between the clouds and the sea. Some call it the horizon haha, but it’s a beautiful contrast of blue-grey shades.

Paul normally walks Micky and I take Daphne and Chloe (‘The Boys’ and ‘The Girls’) but for the photos I took Micky because, you know, phones can get dropped when you’re trying to take a photo and your dog is heading off pulling the leash. Been there.

 

 

 

So that’s my little update. I hope you had a lovely Easter too, if you celebrate. Wherever you live I hope you are well and safe. I’m thinking of you.

And, I think, I will declare I’m ‘back’ now, and get into more frequent posting. The biggest thing for me is the collecting of photos. I can’t post on social media if I have no nice photos taken, and I have just not been taking photos lately. I have read a lot of books though!

 

 

 

My mum loaned me The Lady in the Van and it was so good. Just a small book which only took me a few days to read. I’d never seen the movie as the lady in it reminded me too much of a family member I lived next to for several years and I just couldn’t. Not that this family member lived in my driveway but she was ‘eccentric’ haha, and lived in her own style. May she rest in peace! (She was my great-aunt and died at 91 a few years back).

So anyway, I loved the book and now I’m going to hunt out the movie. Enough time has passed that I can watch it happily :)

If you haven’t read the book it is a fab read. It’s so dry and funny, and heartfelt too. Alan Bennett was a good man to let her live on his property, and is a hilarious writer. I am now searching out his other books to read.

The Lady in the Van is cheap enough on Kindle, or you might find it at your library. It’s here to download on Amazon.

Happy reading! And my thanks to you for being wonderful. I have received so many lovely emails and I’m sorry I can’t respond to them personally. Usually I do respond to emails but during my health convalescence there have been many more than usual and I didn’t have the energy. But I appreciate them all, I hope you know that.

xx Fiona

 

PS. I received this gorgeous review on my book The Peaceful Life just recently. I love it so much. If you haven’t read The Peaceful Life it might be just the ticket for times like now. Or a re-read/re-listen if you already have it. It’s here on Amazon on Kindle, in paperback, and as an audiobook too.

 

 

 Thank you so much for the wonderful review!

 

 

 

 [My Amazon links are affiliate, which means I may earn a small commission if you purchase using these links. It’s no extra cost to you, so I really appreciate it if you choose to use my links for any Amazon purchases you might be making!]

I am radiant! Finishing up my week of radiation :)

Hi everyone,

Another little update in my breast cancer journey! I will get back to normal posts, but right now I guess I’m on ‘sick leave’ :) Last week I had my radiation treatment. Paul and I travelled 2.5 hours to Palmerston North, where we stayed Monday to Friday, and I had a treatment each day. They are short appointments, but we don’t have the big fancy machine required in Hawke’s Bay.

I’ll show you further down in the post, but in my first photo above and below, Paul and I went to the pub! Tuesday was St Patrick’s Day, so to celebrate we went to a local Irish bar for a drink. I had a cider, but totally would have had a Kilkenny if I wasn’t celiac gluten-free. And Paul had a Guinness, of course!

 

 

 

It was nuts in there and it was only 4.30pm! We were like the sober parents watching on with amusement. When we left Paul said ‘I don’t think it’s a place for couples’, which is so true. Not the sort of place you would go to on a romantic date or for quiet conversation. We couldn’t even hear each other speak with the band playing.

But it was fun to go, and to have one for St Patrick’s Day. I am 12% Irish after all :) And I’d even brought along a green blouse for my trip too. I’d like to say that was intentional… but it was intentional that I wore it on Tuesday.

The rest of our week was far more relaxing and quiet. We stayed in a beautiful residence at Ozanam House, which is a huge facility set up for people receiving cancer care. It’s far nicer and more home-like than a hotel, and is completely free, funded by donations to the Cancer Society of New Zealand.

 

 

 

We stayed in a three-bedroom home on the site, but some are much bigger, with 11 and 19 bedrooms. Each room has an ensuite bathroom, and the kitchen, living area and laundry is shared. In the kitchen everyone has their own mini-fridge and cupboard. A housekeeper visits daily.

 

 

It was such a nice place to stay, and we were so grateful for it.

And shall I show you where I went each day? I was allowed to have some photos taken, because why not. We went to the morning tea at Ozanam House on Wednesday and one of the other ladies receiving treatment told me they’d taken a photo of her in the machine, and I thought, ‘I want a photo in the machine too!’

 

 

 

 

It’s a very impressive machine. I did some geeky researching and one of these costs about $3-$5 million US, and you also need to build a reinforced concrete room to house it, which is another couple of million. The walls have to be 1-3 metres/yards thick to keep all the beams contained so that no-one is affected outside the room, especially the staff who are there all the time.

Apparently it’s similar rays to an X-ray, but while X-rays are thousands of rays delivered for fractions of a second, Radiation beams are millions of rays for fractions of a minute. Let that sink in! With my cancer being on the left side, I had to take deep breaths and hold them for up to 20 seconds to protect my lung and heart. I know, scary, but the machine has millimetre accuracy and so even a deep breath can move the area to be radiated safely away from vital organs.

Of course, I had surgery before this and am cancer-free now so this is all preventative, to zap tiny cancer cells that still might be floating around my breast. I feel lucky that I only had to have one week in total. Many others have four weeks of treatment, and some up to 5, 6 or 7 weeks, five times a week, Monday to Friday.

So yes, it was a big week, even if ‘only’ one.

And I took a video walking in (the radiation oncology therapist let me). Let’s go through the double doors first, with the scary nuclear symbol on it…

 

 

 

I went through the left door to Rehua, which is my machine’s name. Cute! All four machines have Maori names. And here we go :)

 

 

 

I took the video on my last day, and Paul was allowed to come in to take a look at the machine too. He left the room before we started :) I love the ‘Beam on - ionising radiation’ red sign, like something out of a movie!

Each appointment was only half an hour out of our day, so for the three days in the middle of the week when we weren’t travelling to and from Palmerston North we looked around, went for a drive out of town one of the days, and rested ‘at home’ on the others.

I found a completely gluten-free cafe called Munch which did breakfasts and lunches and we went there three times. It was so delicious! And a real find for someone celiac like myself. Would recommend!

 

 

 

I did some lovely shopping too, the floral trousers already pictured, and a pair of black pleather trousers for winter, from a favourite shop called Blue Illusion (an Australian brand which has a store in Palmerston North), and a pair of knit shoes a bit like Vivaia or Rothys, neither of which we can get here. These ones are by a brand called Los Cabos. They are pictured with my relaxing satin trousers so they don’t really go! But I haven’t worn them properly yet :) 

 

 

 

 

So that was my radiation week! I’m glad to have it behind me, and fingers crossed plus touch wood that’s all the big things done. Now I can just settle in and keep healing, and taking my five-year Letrozole hormone therapy pill each night. While I was in Palmerston North walking to the hospital each day (Ozanam House is close), I decided that the radiation treatment was making me radiant from the inside out, and that all my cells would be enhanced. I am now a new person, haha! Fresh and revitalised :)

It’s nice to be back into my normal routine at home, even if I still have medical appointments - three this week alone! I’m enjoying writing too, reading lots, and spending time with our three doggies and cat. They all missed us! The doggies stayed with my mum, and our lovely neighbour Barry visited Nina cat each day twice a day for meals and sent cute photos and texts ‘from’ Nina’. Adorable :) He was late leaving work one day and didn’t get to our place until 6.30pm. He told me Nina was waiting in the kitchen just about tapping her watch!

I hope you’re doing well too, I know it’s a scary time in the world at the moment, and petrol is crazy. But we all just have to keep on keeping on.

Big hugs to you, Fiona x

Checking in - I'm getting there!

 

Hi everyone, I know it's been a few weeks! I'm still here, and definitely feel more robust now that it's ten weeks post-surgery.

However, from my infection which is now fully cleared, I developed the dreaded lymphodema in my biopsy arm (the same area that got the infection).

Your arm swells up, the fluid doesn't drain as well, and it's... puffy. Not majorly puffy, no-one could tell by looking at it but my hand looks very different to my normal hand. And if you don’t tend to it the puffiness doesn’t go away. So I am tending!

What makes matters worse is that I broke my wrist on that side twenty-five years ago. Let's just say I was out with my sister, having fun at fancy bars in my highest heels and my heel caught on one of the steps up to our house on our way home and I fell backwards onto my hand.

Not my proudest moment and now it's coming back to bite me in the butt! The oncology masseuse I've been seeing for lymphatic drainage massage said 'none of the bones are in the right place' of my wrist. She was quite perplexed and that’s when I remembered my wrist injury.

Honestly it's my full-time job at the moment worrying if it's going to be permanent, managing it with my compression sleeve and glove, doing exercises for my arms, going for walks to get everything moving. I thought I was out of the woods but there are still a few more trees yet!

It shouldn't be permanent and I'm clinging to that hope. I only had one lymph node removed, others have all removed. I'm not having radiation on the area. It was caused by infection not other things. I have full movement in my arm. So fingers crossed.

I am writing though! I'd love to get my writing flowing regularly again and I've been doing that all morning today. I'm working on my breast cancer book and I promise you it will be more uplifting than it sounds haha.

So it's nice to pop in and see you, and if you’ve had lymphodema I feel for you. It's not nice. It's not painful, just a little bit uncomfortable as swelling can be. It's just the worry that I will have to manage it for a long time. Even ‘temporary’ is measured in months, not weeks or days.

But I’m keeping on keeping on.

Hugs to you, Fiona x

#positivity

Positivity and looking ahead

 

Hello everyone! Daphne and I are outside enjoying a coffee on this late summer day. It's starting to feel a little like autumn.

And I am feeling so much better! Officially past the eight weeks post-surgery mark and the infection is gone too. I'm still taking it easy but it's so nice to feel a little bit more normal.

Soon I’m travelling to Palmerston North, which is a couple of hours drive, to attend a planning meeting for my radiotherapy. And then not long after that I will be booked in for a week’s worth of treatment.

I’m grateful that all my other treatment, surgery etc has been local, but we don’t have a radiation department here in Hawke’s Bay.

And after that I should be finished up with all the big stuff, just my five-year Letrozole medication to take. I’m sure it will fly by. The years do now 😊

I had my hair trimmed too. When I thought I was going to have to have chemo and lose my hair I thought it would be nice to try a bob before that happened.

Once I found out I didn't have to have chemo I still decided to give it a go so now I have a long bob. There is only a little bit of colour right on the tips so most of the colour is mine now.

My greys provide natural highlights in my beige blonde, yay! It's so lovely and healthy compared with the coloured hair too, and I can wear it wavy/curly if I air dry it.

I’m pleased to say I have been feeling a bit more creative too. I still get tired easily but I can feel the excitement for my writing coming back.

I always have multiple books on the go, but I’m writing about my breast cancer experience currently, and will be covering three broad areas:

1. My journey with breast cancer
2. Helpful tips if you are going through a tough time health-wise too
3. Encouragement and support for those who have a loved one with a health challenge

So hopefully it will be an uplifting read for anyone, really. It won’t be doom and gloom but it will be ‘real’.

And, I think useful for anyone facing a health crisis, because I knew nothing about anything before I was diagnosed and now I reckon I could be a health professional I’ve learned so much over the past four months! 🤣

Hugs to you!
xx Fiona

Sunny days ahead (after the clouds have passed)

{Beautiful flowers from my lovely neighbour Anna ❤️ I love dahlias!}

 

Hello friends 😊

Every week is a new chapter around here, I tell you.

A few days after my previous post my left underarm (the biopsy side) became very sore and swollen and I thought I’d overdone my lymphatic arm exercises.

Then I noticed the skin becoming pink, then red, and the breast cancer specialist physio I had an appointment with that day said I needed to see a doctor for antibiotics NOW.

I started the medicine straight away but it stayed terrible, so painful! On Saturday morning Paul took me to the Emergency Department at our local hospital and they admitted me, saying I’d likely have to have surgery for an ‘infected seroma’ which is ‘serious but not uncommon’ after biopsy surgery.

Thankfully I did not end up having surgery, instead having a needle aspiration with a L O N G needle (thank goodness for lots of local anaesthetic and a very skilled radiology doctor). Plus IV antibiotics and strong pain meds.

They were happy to let me go yesterday and it was so nice to come home and see the doggies and Ninacat.

And yes I do see the irony: I spent twice the amount of time in hospital for this infection than for my original breast cancer surgery!

:: PRIVATE INSTAGRAM ::

As if that wasn’t enough, I’ve had some kind of bot attack on my Instagram account, and my followers have increased by over 2,000 in the last week or so, with a ton of silly bot comments.

There is no other way to deal with them than to delete each account individually 😢 And if I don’t, Instagram might think I’ve bought followers and delete my account.

So I’ve had to temporarily make my Instagram account private (to stem the flow, haha) while I tidy up this crazy mess.

If the worst happens and my account is deleted, you can find all my links at fionaferris.com

Go find me there now and bookmark it just in case you lose me on IG😮

So yes, it’s been quite the drama-filled week or two. Onwards and upwards though, and I’m SO happy to be back at home and on the mend.

I hope you had a calmer week than I did, and all my best to you!

x Fiona

Excellent news - something to celebrate

 

Hello friends,

I’ve had a big week! The first and most exciting thing is that I found out I am NOT having chemotherapy.

When Paul and I met with the oncology doctor last Tuesday, she put all my information into a fancy online calculator called ‘Predict’, specifically for breast cancer.

It shows the percentage likelihood someone will still be alive after 15 years (the longest the calculator could calculate) and then you could toggle treatments on and off to see the difference each made.

I’m still having radiation and also doing hormone therapy (a medicine called Letrozole – for five years!) but these both have ‘minimal’ side effects apparently.

Of course we all know about how horrible chemotherapy is, even if it’s just anecdotally or even from the movies.

Well, apparently I would only receive a 1% better benefit from having chemo, and because it’s so hard on the body, they only strongly recommend it when there is a 5% or more benefit.

The doctor almost seemed giddy when she was showing me my results that she already knew. I wondered why she was so peppy when we came into her office!

Of course no-one knows what the future will bring, but for now, I’m a happy person. I walked out of there feeling light as air, with that ‘let out of school early’ feeling.

Suddenly, a week of radiation and five years of medicine seem like nothing 😊 So I wanted to share that amazing news.

My mum took me to Craggy Range winery for lunch the next day to celebrate (Paul was so sad he was working that day), and we hosted English relatives for dinner on Friday night. 

 

 

 

They are only here until next week, so we couldn’t put it off until I could do more to help, so Paul did EVERYTHING. All the cooking, cleaning, and dishes. He is a good cook too ❤️

And my mum and aunty brought dessert.

I set the table and took a nap, that’s all! 😉

Our guests brought me these pretty flowers and fancy chocolate.

 

 

 

And just look what a kind, thoughtful reader sent me - a gift voucher for Fortnum & Mason to order teas to sip on as I recuperate.

 

 

 

They arrived this week. I am so humbled at this generous gift, thank you Ann! It’s all been delicious so far 😊

 

 

 

 I hope you all had a lovely week too!

xx Fiona

Personal style as a tool to feel better

 

Hello friends,

Here I am heading out for family dinner at my aunty’s place ❤️💙

I love red with blue denim! Although it was so rainy and chilly - NOT like summer at all - that I got to wear my new burgundy/plum/oxblood ankle boots earlier than planned.

I have been stalking these boots since I saw them at the end of last winter and got them on sale after Christmas (recuperating at home by online shopping 🤣) and now have them ready for my autumn wardrobe.

I felt like journalling about a capsule wardrobe this morning and then was inspired to create a summer capsule, 21 pieces as per chapter 5 of my book 'The Chic Closet'.

I decided on a blue and white theme incorporating denim and navy, and then added a touch of sand/gold/beach to warm things up.

I came out with a good selection of jeans, tops/blouses, trousers and dresses, and ended up at 27 pieces which I am happy with. I have a good selection to choose from and am excited to get to wear my 'new' capsule collection even though I didn't buy anything. It feels new to me!

And in other news, I am getting back to myself. Still moving very slowly, not driving for a bit, maybe for another week or two. I am the diva passenger being chauffeured around 😊 Paul mostly takes me places and my mum has too.

I thought it was funny, my 78-year-old mother driving me to the library instead of the other way around. I often see older ladies being walked around the supermarket with one of their children helping them get their groceries. Instead it’s me getting the help 😊

And I meet with the oncology doctor next Tuesday to discuss chemo. It’s all so surreal! Like I’m watching this happen to someone else. Perhaps it’s healthy to have a sense of detachment and unreality…

In any case, I just have to keep telling myself it’s all preventative, the cancer is gone now. And if I have to grow some new hair it’s a small price to pay for future safety.

Thank you again for the continuing emails and messages, I truly appreciate them.

xx Fiona

PS. ‘The Chic Closet’ on Kindle, in paperback, and audiobook too here at my Amazon affiliate link here. 
 

 

My lab results - if you are interested :)

{Beautiful flowers delivered by a kind neighbour 💚}

 

Hello friends,

I have news! It's mostly good 😊

First off, from my lab results this week, the surgeon got all the cancer and the margins were clear, plus there was nothing in my lymph nodes. I am very happy with this, as you can imagine.

However, the tumour, though small, was grade 3, which is the most aggressive kind. I'm just so lucky it was picked up on a routine mammogram as I wouldn't have known it even existed otherwise.

So the cancer is all gone, but because of the grade, as a preventative measure for the future, I will likely have chemotherapy as well as radiation. I'll meet with our hospital's oncology department in a month or so once I am fully healed from surgery.

Apparently the chemo is done in six doses over four months, every three weeks or so.

Then radiation. Then hormone treatment (medication).

So. It's still big and I am trying not to focus on all of that. I am trying to keep bringing my mind back to healing, calmness, living in today, no cancer present anymore, and the surgery is behind me.

I haven't been writing much but I've been journalling, and reading (two books a week currently!) I would love to put my experience into a book because I think it would be helpful for others in my position to read. Or even if someone has a friend or family member going through a similar thing.

It's all very surreal though. But, it's like anything in life, you deal with it as it comes up. You go to appointments and do what needs to be done and put one step in front of the other. Just follow the path that thousands of other ladies have been on.

There are lots of things to be grateful for, and the lab results showed that my kind of cancer was the hormone positive/HER negative type which is the most common, and they know how to treat it.

That's what I was told: it is 'serious but treatable' so I just have to trust that. My surgeon also said that the grade 3/chemo news is 'a tiny negative'. If I have to have a negative, tiny is good.

Keep well my friends, and I wanted to update you. I so appreciate all the kind messages, emails, and comments. More than you can ever know 😊

xx Fiona

Rest and recovery - apparently it's necessary :)

 

Hello friends :)

Popping in for a little update! It’s now 2.5 weeks since my surgery, and I have to be honest, it’s harder than I thought it would be.

I expected to be feeling back to normal by now, but I’m not. Every day is hard. Sometimes hard-hard and sometimes easy-hard.

I’ve had setbacks such as a big bleed while Paul was at work last week, and the pain has been okay some days and quite uncomfortable on others.

So yeah, not the cheeriest of posts, but it is what it is. I’m learning to be patient, go with it, rest a lot and just... wait.

My dad always said never to wish my life away so I’m trying not to!

This is a really important time for anyone who has had surgery, the healing time, so I need to remember that and not conveniently forget and think I’m okay to drive (that was a mistake), or go for a walk around the park (also not good).

Even though I am a relaxed and calm person (or I try to be), I am also someone who is always on the go, so it feels strange to do... nothing.

But nothing is what I must do, along with hydrate, get good nutrition, and move a little sometimes (I’m still walking laps of our house multiple times a day). 

 

 

 

I know this too shall pass, like any difficult time, and by not fighting it now, I will make it easier for myself later on. Because that’s what I was doing in my mind, fighting what is, and it got me nowhere.

I wasn’t doing it on purpose, but that’s the energy I was giving.

So now is for healing and resting. Looking after myself and not trying to be a hero.

I meet with my surgeon next Tuesday for lab results. Let’s hope everything is good and clear.

If you are going through a hard time right now, whatever the flavour, I feel for you. It’s not an easy thing to. And the future uncertainty is also a factor that plays on your mind.

All we can do is make the best of this day and treat ourselves well, which probably applies to anyone, because life is not exactly easy these days!

But I also know when I choose to wallow in the yuck, it just brings me further down. And when I choose to think of the good stuff and make fun plans, that feels much better.

Hugs to you!

x Fiona

PS. This book was wonderful. So heartwarming and funny. Here on Amazon. 

 

 

 

(My link is ‘Amazon affiliate’ which doesn’t change the price, but I may receive a small compensation. If you choose to use my links for any purchases you might be making I am grateful :)