Tuesday, July 31, 2018

How to get your joy back when someone bursts your bubble (aka handling haters!)

A reader wrote to me:

Dear Fiona, I made a mistake and told my sister about my dream to be an etiquette/image coach. Huge mistake, she told me that I will never be successful :( How can I get my joy back for a career I know I would excel in but have lost my enthusiasm for?

Firstly, my heart broke a little bit, as I mention in the video.  When you’re a creative, sensitive type who wants to make the world a beautiful place (just describing myself here, not necessarily our reader), you’re an easy target for people who want to stomp all over the flowerbeds and keep you firmly rooted in reality.

But what is reality anyway?  I have found over the past few years that it is not what I thought it was.  There are two kinds actually: the reality you are living right now, which is constructed entire of your beliefs and thoughts leading up to this point, and then there is the reality of your future – starting today – which you can shape exactly as you please.

I started dreaming of a different future for myself and my husband, and now we are living it.  I am now dreaming bigger, being more of who I am and thinking ‘Wow, can things get even better than this? (spoiler alert: they can).

I invite you to watch my video response to our reader question to see my thoughts on handling people who don’t have the same optimistic view on life that you might have.

Also, I have a few additional thoughts from recording this video:

Consider the source: could this person be envious of you doing something that you love and would be good at when they think they just have to plod along with their normal life?

Know that they might just be trying to keep you safe.  Most people think they have to live a normal life and to do anything outside that is wildly dangerous.

How to handle statements like this?

Say ‘Thank you’ and smile. Then do exactly what you were going to do anyway.

Perhaps ask them to expand so that you can get a bit more of their thought process.  I like to say to people (in many different situations, not just this one) ‘How do you mean exactly.  Can you say a bit more?’  I don’t say it in an unpleasant way; I’m genuinely interested.

If they mean well, you can calm down when you hear their responses, and if they are being passive aggressive or unkind, it’s back on them to either expand on or withdraw their comments.


Vow to yourself that you will always support people who confide in you and be their cheerleaders.  Even if you just say ‘that sounds like an incredible idea!’  Unfortunately I have been unsupportive to people at times in the past, but when I did it, I believed I was helping them see reality.  Of course you can imagine it was not a good conversation for either of us and I have learned for that.

And also vow to yourself that you will never give unsolicited advice.  It is not good for either the giver or the receiver.  As above, I have had plenty of unsolicited advice both spouted from my own mouth to others, and also been on the receiving end.  Again, I have learned to not give it. Ever.

I heard a good tip recently (but can’t remember where sorry), and it was this: You can say to someone ‘I have some thoughts on that if you’d like to hear them.  It might be helpful to you, so just let me know if you’re interested’.  And then move onto something else.  If they come back to you they will be in a more receptive state of mind.  I would use this only if I really, really felt strongly about my idea though.  People will work out what’s best for them anyway, without you bossing them around!

So, I’d love to hear if you have been on the receiving end of any criticism or ‘helpful’ advice, and, how you responded (or how you wish you’d responded, because don’t you find that the zingy/strong/witty comeback always pops into your mind hours later???)

Keep dreaming big and know that I will be cheering you along :)


Thursday, July 26, 2018

Creating a high-vibe, abundant, sexy amazing life (and wardrobe)


I wanted to share with you two of my favourite new resources for feeling chic, super motivated, living in a high-frequency way and generally being happy and excited about creating a fabulous life every day.  I have certainly been enjoying the buoyancy that one gets when you come across something fresh and new.

Firstly, a funny story about how I came across one of these inspirational sources: I was browsing Amazon, as I do often, trying not to buy too many Kindle books to add to my already huge amount that I have on my to-read list, and I clicked on this one: ‘French Lessons, The Art of Living and Loving Well’.  It had some good reviews and some bad.  The cover wasn’t that inspiring and I was about to download a sample (which I likely wouldn’t have read anyway) and I accidently clicked on the ‘buy with 1-click’ button instead of the ‘download sample’ button.

‘Oh no!’ I thought to myself, but then ‘Oh well, I may as well read it, it is a French Chic book and I like those’.  This is the first time I’ve ever accidentally bought a book in all my years as an Amazon customer, so the fact that it's taken me that long is probably a minor miracle.  But I started reading the book straight away and loved it.

I finished French Lessons and just knew I would re-read it again many times, and can’t help but think my ‘accidental’ purchase was divinely guided.   I loved it and think you might too.  It’s a brief sort of novel/slice-of-life in which the main character, a woman who has escaped a broken heart by going to stay in Paris, meets an older lady who shows her around while imparting French-style wisdom on various topics such as love, forgiveness, charm etc.

The way each short chapter is written is charming in itself, and it carries a very gentle, inclusive, warm, wise and inspiring air about it.  And then, at the end, the author has summarised each chapter with journal questions to ask of yourself.  I am so excited about diving into these journal questions!

Secondly, Gina DeVee has a new daily (weekday) talk show video series out on YouTube and it’s so good.  If you don’t know of Gina, she is a spiritual business coach I guess you could say.  She’s over-the-top and fabulous, and while she is way more rah rah than I am about things, I love her enthusiasm and she inspires me to loosen up a little bit.  I can use that sometimes :)  And she always stirs in me the desire to add a little bit more glamour into my life.


I love that she talks about being queenly in how you do things, and that the queen archetype is a 'masterful blend of the feminine and the masculine'.  I take that to mean feminine in how I comport myself, mystique, elegant, refined, soft and kind etc, and then masculine in actually getting things done and being a capable person.

As I mentioned in one of my queen topic blog posts here (and another one here), the queen isn’t all helpless sitting around.  No, she rules the land and rolls up her sleeves if need be, but at the same time she lets others support her and upholds boundaries she has set for both herself and others.

One thing I loved in one of the videos is that Gina said to her husband, 'After this six week trip to Italy I am not going to be the same woman when I get back. I am going to be a changed woman.  We aren’t going to be living in this apartment on our return'.  So they put everything into storage and moved into a place that felt like the new her when they returned.  And she did change while they were away, because that was her intention.  Imagine if you decided ‘I am going to be a different woman next year’ or ‘We are going to have a luxury weekend away’ (or a luxury staycation at home) ‘and I am going to be different after that’.  I love that!

I decided that for myself after hearing Gina.  I’m not going on an amazing holiday, but why not choose my own new beginning?  On Monday I had my eyebrows microbladed (I’ll show you soon, but here is a photo when they were just done) and I thought, ‘Well, I’m going to be a different woman with my perfect eyebrows’.  I started journaling on the new me – what it would look like, how it would feel, what actions I would take and what emotions I wanted to invoke, and what came out is that I am feeling called to upgrade my entire closet.

I don’t mean upgrade the actual closet or buy new clothes, but upgrade by removing everything that isn’t ‘the new me’ and where I see myself heading – with my new eyebrows of course :)  And you could decide this with anything too.  You might think 'When I get home from work tonight, I'm going to be a different woman' and start being the new you.  It's fun.

Straight away I put two tops in the wash to donate because I wore them a lot in the last year of working in our retail store and that is my old life.  They just didn’t have a high-vibe energy about them to me.  They felt boring and a bit staid.  You know those clothes that are okay but not great?  Pretty much they just cover your body but don’t offer any feel-good factor.

If you have one or more items of clothing that spring to mind immediately, can I offer you a chic challenge to put them into your donation box?  And let me know in the comments that you did.

So, I’m back to the book editing now, in a high-vibe, abundant, intentional and sexy way of course!  Wishing you a fabulous day and go and be that next level you.


PS. I was trying to write this post cozy by the fire but Chloe kept on needing to nuzzle in.  She did not make my post writing easier :)

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