Saturday, February 26, 2011

How to Seduce

Yesterday I had a hair appointment to keep. In the almost three hours I was there (I know) I read a lot of magazines. Thankfully they had plenty of new Australian Vogues and Marie Claires. One magazine, Grazia, had a great article on -

How to Seduce a Man

Well, I had to take notes. All the suggestions were so good, I thought they would benefit me in day-to-day life and also, even though I am already married, with my husband. You see, they aren’t all just about seduction, but how to be attractive generally. I really love articles like that.

I wrote down the headings, and now I’m going to remember, paraphrase and add my own notes.

Wear red. This colour makes you more attractive to men. I too often notice how nice a woman looks when they wear red. It makes your skin look a little flushed perhaps, in a good way. Whatever colour you wear (on your top half at least), picks up the colour on your face. That’s why pinks and peaches are so flattering as well, and perhaps could be a less intense option for a top. And why black is not ideal, even though we all love wearing it – it picks up black circles under the eyes!

Show 40% of skin. I think this was aimed more at dressing up for an evening out. 40% is the ideal amount. Anything less and you risk sinking into dowdy territory, any more and you will end up seducing your man in a less chic way, and showing yourself off as being very available. It probably would work for daytime too. A French women is famous for showcasing just one part of herself, whether it's great legs, toned arms or a silky-smooth decolletage. If every single part is covered up you wouldn't really notice, but imagine a women in well-fitted jeans and slender-cut t-shirt, that when she turns around shows a back-revealing detail. Ooh la la.

Be well-rested. This article claimed that men were shown pictures of women from two groups – one group had plenty of sleep and one group had no sleep. Of course they chose the well-rested group as more attractive. I can’t argue with that. And for heavens sake don’t wear a black top on a day when you didn’t get enough sleep!

Smile 35 times an hour. Women who smiled every 1.7 minutes were considered more attractive than those who smiled less. Does that seem like a lot of smiling? I remember from my (second) wedding day I had sore cheeks the next day from smiling for photos and well-wishers. So perhaps a little less smiling than that. The charity shop near me has the most pinch-faced old bat behind the counter. Even when I am dropping off really nice donations she can’t force a smile out. I bought a book from there a few days ago and she handed me my book and change and I actually waited until she made eye contact with me and then smiled at her and waited for the return smile... it eventually came, a tight, miser-ish little smile. Geesh, they don't cost anything love. I feel a bit mean about 'making' her smile, but it was fun. And on the other side of the scale, people I've met who I often think 'aren't they just so nice' are the ones that smile, a lot.

Touch him subtly. When you’re talking to a man, whether it’s someone you met in a bar, your boyfriend or your husband, make a point to subtly touch him to make a point. Perhaps on the arm or shoulder. Not too much though, don't be one of those women (an over-toucher Seinfeld would probably call her). I think non-bedroom touching is very important in a relationship. A quick shoulder-rub going past your man when he's sitting down, a touch on the hand, quick kiss on the neck.

Wear a spicy-floral fragrance. Apparently you will appear 5kg / 10 pounds thinner. And who doesn’t want that? I was pleased to see that Chanel No. 5 has spicy components as well as powdery florals. There are many other spicy-florals that aren’t as heavy as straight out oriental perfumes. Dolce Vita I know is one, from my days at Dior, as is the original Dior Addict in the dark blue bottle. One of my husband’s friends used to give me a hug when he saw me and exclaim in raptures whenever I wore Dior Addict. After he met his wife, he did it a few times and then stopped. I think she had words with him that she'd rather he went into raptures over her instead. I don’t blame her!

Be charitable and a better person. Even if they don’t know it, men are always sizing up a potential female partner as the mother of his children. If he sees that you are a kind person he is likely to think more of you. I’ve read often that men want their women to be a better version of themselves. They put us up on a pedestal and look to us as the moral guider. That’s a tall ask I know. It also makes me try and be a better person. Again, in my observations of other women, isn’t it a not-nice shock to discover that someone you admired and thought to be lovely ended up being a bit sneaky or mean-spirited? I don’t want to be one of those women. I want my husband to think I am saint-like, heavenly and kind-hearted.

Talk to him with head slightly tilted forward. Something about looking up at him and being slightly submissive. It sounds quite hard to do without looking silly. What I do know though, when you see aggressive women on tv (likely in a reality show like Top Model) they talk with their head held back and up, and look arrogant and aggressive. They don’t exactly come across as feminine or even remotely likeable.

Wear a little makeup. Finally, the article says men may profess to like women a la naturale, with no makeup at all. The study shows another story though. The women with scrubbed clean faces were rated as less attractive as women who were very lightly made up. The key point was a contrast between features and skin. So mascara, lipstick, blush and defined brows are important. What I think it is that men don't like is makeup put on with a trowel and spider-leg eyelashes.

What would you add to this list? Care to refute anything? I would love to hear your comments. Wanting to be feminine and have men find you attractive is quite controversial in our modern Western society. But isn’t that what French women have been doing forever? I know it’s not for everyone, but for me, I love talking about all this girly stuff.


  1. Fiona,

    Wonderful list. And good timing as I just got my little red dress back from the seamstress. Too bad my husband is very color blind :(

    I would add: give him genuine compliments that would make him feel more 'manly', for lack of a better word, but don't overdo it. Tell him his biceps are looking bigger than normal or he looks like his pants are looser in the waist. I wouldn't suggest lying, but stretching the truth wouldn't hurt anybody.


  2. Lovely article Fiona! Being a Psychologist these articles always interest me. What would I add? Allow men to be chivalrous; opening the door for you, pulling out your chair etc. It doesn't take away any power from us, at the same time making them feel very protective. The new rise of feminists seem to think this kind of behaviour is demeaning; I don't think so at all. Finally accept compliments from a man with the intention in which it was given; be flattered, coy and humble in receiving compliments.
    Just my humble thoughts ;-)

  3. Loved this. I've never heard the 40% skin suggestion. I will have to give that some thought!

    xoxo --

  4. Fantastic list, Fiona. I can personally attest to the color red (my husband is mad for me in red) and a subtly spicy perfume like Chanel No 5 (husband says, "Mmmm, you smell good!).

    Even though it's the 21st century, I believe men still want to feel like the hunter/provider. I would give the man an opportunity to treat me like a lady so I in turn can treat him like a gentleman (opening the door is the classic example).

    And, if you can get away with it when dating, cooking for a man is a sure-fire to display your comforting skills. This only works if you're a decent cook, though!

  5. Love the list. I'm in a new relationship - my first in 25 years! And he is quite gallant. I want to please him. Loved the comment about being disappointed to learn a new friend is actually mean-spirited or petty. I never want to be like that. Great post, Fiona!

  6. hi fiona,

    i will tell you what my husband cannot stand and that is outlandish outfits on women. and by outlandish he means sky-high heels that make women walk weird, too tight anything, ridiculously cut fashions that look like costumes more than clothing, etc. no wonder i dress so plain!


  7. I like this list. I agree with red, perfume, and the unexpected touch the most. My husband hates scary thick makeup but does like it when it's done nicely and not too much. He prefers some to none. I have to agree.

  8. This was fabulous (again), Fiona. I agree with all of it and will implement none since my husband needs the least bit of encouragement when it comes to seduction. I am reminded of Harrison Ford's immortal words (that are often quoted in this home) to Anne Heche's character in "Six Days, Seven Nights" when they are discussing an article in her magazine on how to please your man, he says, "We're easy. Just show up." LOL! xxBliss

  9. I've definitely scored the jackpot in that my husband appreciates when I curl my hair and do smudged eyes (he thinks it's sexy) but says I'm sexiest when my hair is all rumpled from sleeping and my face is bare. I disagree, but he insists that he loves that most of all, and loves watching me in the mornings.

    I do think these tips are fantastic and oh so true. I would add that occasionally when listening slightly part your lips. It's tried and true (just look at Old Hollywood), gives you a wide eyed look and relaxes your face.

    But mainly, no matter what I think most men are attracted to women who seem to be comfortable in their skin and whatever they have on. I love tall heels, my husband loves them on me, but he complains that most of the women he works with clomp, because they don't know how to walk in them.

  10. Vanessa, I agree with your thoughts.

    Marsi, me neither!

    Rebekah, yes, cooking is a guaranteed man-pleaser.

    Emily, what an exciting time you will be having at the moment. The world must seem brand-new to you.

    Janet, it is quite illuminating to learn what men dislike. A while back my husband mentioned he can't stand city shorts - slim fitting dressy shorts worn with high heels to the office. I've always thought they looked ok (even though I've never felt the need to go out and find some for myself) so it was quite a surprise that he felt so strongly about them.

    Stephanie, on a day off at home I always feel so much better if I put on a bit of tinted moisturiser, mascara and lip gloss. And I look nice when my husband gets home. Bonus.

    Bliss, you are so funny and cute and obviously doing EVERYTHING right if you husband is chasing you around. What are your secrets pray tell?

    Kalee, I can imagine you being gorgeous in the morning with your pale skin and silky dark hair. Us blondies just have the naked eyes look. I am so going to listen to my husband with parted lips from now on!

  11. Men appreciate mystery and without the magic of mystery we are all unable to fall in love and be seduced. Mystery allows us to dream. I enjoyed reading this list.
    I wear black alot, though, but I always add colour with a headscarf or hat. I have cinnamon coloured eyes and I find that black underlines them nicely. Have a nice weekend with husband;-)

  12. Miss Fashion, Art - you have such a wonderfully dreamy way of writing. Mystery is the basis of most things on this list.

  13. Good list, Fiona. I especially agree with the makeup tip. Men like a clean, fresh face on women but don't realize that sometimes we need a little help. ;)

    As far as the color red, I've recently decided that "red is the new pink" for me. As I've gotten older, I need a more mature but feminine color in my wardrobe. Your post has confirmed my choice.

  14. Another great post, and with such an intriguing title! ;o) This is a great list

    I don't really have much red in my wardrobe but I have received positive comments from co-workers the odd time I've worn something red. Maybe I need to look at that colour more when I go shopping.

    I don't know much about the make-up of perfumes. All I know for sure is that I'd rather smell like a bouquet of flowers than a fruit basket! I do love Chanel No 5.

    Smiling 35 times an hour does sound like an awful lot. And I've never heard of the 40% rule before. But lots of great tips to keep in mind.

  15. I'd add wearing something that would reveal a hidden part as you moved or bent over. Just a little.. Like a silk robe with nothing underneath, showing your form and just bend down to pick something up and show a little leg or breast. Along those lines, moving through the house with music playing and just dance a bit as you move. Sort of like you're doing it just for yourself (but you're not!). Be lost in your own romantic mysterious thoughts oblivious of "anyone" watching! Also using your arms and wrists in graceful ballet type style is very sensual.

  16. Cherie, I agree, red is quite sophisticated. Perhaps too much for the younger ones to handle! And with makeup, it's amazing how little you need to make a big difference.

    Jackie, you will have to look at red and try a few shades on next time you're out. I prefer orange-reds, but will also wear blue-reds.

    Giovanni and Pat, there is steam coming off your comment! Merci for your wonderful suggestions.

  17. Love the highlights of the article, seems to be fairly right on! I always enjoy reading mags while getting my hair done, it is a guilty pleasure!

  18. Fiona, I absolutely adore the posts you choose. This one is fabulous! While I am not able to stop by as regularly as I would like, whenever I do, I always find more than one post that I find myself re-reading because it is filled with many jems. Thank you for such a wonderful commitment to sharing with your readers how to be chic in every sense of the word and in life.
    Take care. :)

  19. I adore this list! I completely agree about the color red, but it is so important for everyone to find their own shade. As for the slight head tilt and light touch on the arm, they are the most often used of my feminine arsenal. Just the other day I scored a ride with a police officer after my car was towed by using these two little suggestions (combined with a smile)....that never happens! Something about this post reminds me of a quote I read somewhere that said "Charm is the ability to get what you want without having to ask for it."

    This post was charming!

  20. What an enjoyable post! Thanks for the reminders of adding a little mystery and seduction back into the relationship. Sometimes it is just so easy to get stuck in a rut of our day to day lives and not take the time for the special little things that add the sizzle and spark! :D

  21. Ooh la la, I love this list!

    I love red, and look great in it, but don't wear it nearly enough.

    I love spicy perfume.

    I don't sleep enough.

    This list is great!

    I'm going to sleep now :)

  22. Great list ! I remembered that I wanna fall in love again ! Just to practice seduction !


  23. Love this post!! I'm always on the look out for delightful reminders like these, and it never hurts to flirt a bit, and kick it up a little bit. I'm severely lacking in red in my wardrobe, leaning more towards burgundies. My suggestion: slow down. Whether walking, talking, blinking, falling for him, eating, whatever. We tend to be so flitty that it can make us lose track of ourselves. The sense of control and smoothness of movement can be captivating and create an aura of mystery and confidence.

  24. I totally agree with this list. My BF LOVES when I wear red. His favorite dress is a very fitted one from Cache that I got on sale. I wore it to dinner on my birthday and it felt very sexy.

    One of my favorite fragrances and most commented on (by both men and women) is Givenchy Ange ou Demon. I bought it in Paris before it was released in the States and have been wearing it non-stop for 3 years or so. It really reminds of Paris and just feeling sexy.

    Thanks for posting the list!

  25. Merci too for your insightful and very good guidance on this important subject.....I am using all your ideas from now on....and I have always loved Channel #5 .....

  26. I love this post! I also love girly-girl things and love that Alpha Hubby loves my strength but also loves me perfumed up with makeup on. He says it shows I care enough to put forth effort to look good for him because I love him. My mom taught me that it isn't important that you "caught him" so much as it is that you do the same things to "keep him" - tongue in cheek but she laughed about that and said, "...but it is so true." She looked good for my dad all the time - 52 years of their married life together!

  27. I love this post!!! Though I've been married for 33 years; when I talk to my husband I always lean my head forward and look up at him...He likes that I'm feminine and as old fashioned as it seems...a way to a man's heart is through his stomach..when I cook for him, he can't tell me enough how wonderful I am:)


Merci for your comment. Wishing you a chic day!

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