{Closet} 30 Chic Days – The Fourth Series: Day 17

Reader Lara asked:  I am curious as to whether you wear coats, scarves, beanies, berets, etc given your cooler climate. If so, would you indulge us by including them in your descriptions of daily outfits.

I do have a few winter outerwear pieces, Lara, and you're right, I didn't include them in my daily outfits for a few reasons.  One, sometimes I forgot to.  Two, it's still quite warm in Auckland even though we are officially into winter.  And three, I go to work in the car most of the time.  When I took public transport to work and back I wore my outerwear more.

When I lived in Christchurch in the South Island of New Zealand (tres chilly in the winter) I had quite the collection of warm coats and scarves, but Auckland, well it's not that cold, just wet in the winter.  It does get cold-ish, but not really cold, despite what born-and-bred Aucklanders like my husband might say.  If it doesn't drop below freezing, it's not that cold to me.

Now that I live in this subtropical climate I have two jackets that I wear (below).  A very soft black leather David Lawrence jacket (also pictured above) and a black waterproof belted rain jacket from Kathmandu.  I bought this jacket for walking so I wouldn't have to carry my umbrella (there's a hood that rolls into the collar) and it's been a fantastic purchase.  I wear it for proper exercise walking when I'm in my exercise gear, plus I'll wear it if I'm doing an errand walk in my normal clothing.

I haven't been wearing scarves much yet this winter because it isn't properly cold, plus having invested in my cowl neck merino tops I'm already cosy around the neck.  Below is this winter's selection ready to go - black pashmina, a gift from my mum, a black and purple wool scarf, Made in France thrift find that my aunty sent me and my 'Honey Cowl' handknit that I finished in the summer from a free pattern on knitting website Ravelry (I think you have to create a free login to browse).

My 'Honey Cowl' infinity scarf is in a pure wool shade called Merlot (from a lovely and very reasonably-priced wool shop called Skeinz in my home area of Hawke's Bay - I know they ship overseas because a friend in South Africa orders from them!).  I have already worn this scarf once this winter because I really wanted to wear it with my outfit; the weather was not nearly cool enough.

 

I have three wool berets that I bought inexpensively years ago - in black, red and camel.  I go through phases of wearing them; again, it depends on how cold the days are, but they are excellent at keeping my hair nice if it's rainy and misty - they help the frizz somewhat.  I've worn the camel one most, it goes well with my hair colour, the black one second and the red one still remains quite new.  Wearing a bright red beret creates quite a statement...

Sorry for northern hemisphere readers that none of this will be relevant to you for six months, by which time I will be talking about bikinis!

I'd love to hear about your favourite jackets, coats, scarves and hats - colours, styles, suggestions  and ways to style.  Please share!

{Relationships} 30 Chic Days – The Fourth Series: Day 16

Back in the mid-90s, The Rules was first published.  I was intrigued by this book of dating and relationship advice and I can’t remember when exactly I read it, but I remember loving it (and I still do today).  Sure I might not agree with everything the authors say, but they have a lot of good common sense to share.

For single girls they advised not to chase after a guy, keep busy living your life, let him call you etc.  And then, once you were married, be easy going, nice to be around, don’t boss him around or control him.  I’ve decluttered and rebought this book over the years, and I currently have The Complete Book of Rules. I heard that Carolyn Bessette Kennedy was a Rules girl which really made me like the book more, impressionable person that I am.

I recently ordered The Rules for Marriage (second hand, as it’s out of print) which I’m looking forward to receiving.  One reviewer said this book is ‘a wonderful example of how to live with compassion and care for the man you married’ and I agree wholeheartedly. 

I know The Rules gets a lot of bad press because it tells women to 'be manipulative and play games', but I think it’s exactly the opposite.  The basic premise is for women to have a full and busy life, not chase after a man, have mystique and not try to control a man.

I actually don’t know why it’s such a controversial book because I think all those things are a smart way for a woman to be, and when I think about it, a lot of the advice is quite old-fashioned (in a good way).  And, quite French!

What I particularly love re-reading every so often for a boost is the first rule, Be a creature unlike any other.  Allow me to share a few portions from the book:

Rule 1.  Be a creature unlike any other

Being a creature unlike any other is a state of mind.  You don’t have to be rich, beautiful or exceptionally smart to feel this way about yourself.  And you don’t have to be born with this feeling either.  It can be learned, practiced and mastered.

Being a creature unlike any other is really an attitude, a sense of confidence and radiance that permeates your being from head to toe.  It doesn’t matter if you’re not a beauty queen, that you never finished college or that you don’t keep up with current events.  You will think you’re enough!  You have more confidence than women with MBAs or money in the bank.  You don’t grovel.  You’re not desperate or anxious.  You don’t date men who don’t want you.  You trust in the abundance and goodness of the universe: if not him, someone better, you say.  You don’t settle.  You don’t chase anyone.  You don’t use sex to make men love you.  You believe in love and marriage.  You’re not cynical.

If you think you aren’t pretty, if you think other girls are better dressed or thinner or cooler, you keep it to yourself.  You tell yourself, ‘Any man would be lucky to have me’, until it sinks in and you start to believe it.  If a man approaches you, you smile and answer his questions very nicely without saying too much.  You’re demure, a bit mysterious.  You leave him hungry for more, as opposed to bored.

How much does that sound like the idealistic French girl?

And the same rule from the Rules for Marriage book:

When you were single, being a “creature unlike any other” was all about attitude—having the self-confidence to weather a bad date and holding on to the conviction that you would one day find the right man, the man who would love you for the unique person you are. We asked you to pump yourself up before dates, and believe in yourself.

When you’re married, you must continue to believe that you are a creature unlike any other, but now it means having confidence that your husband loves and appreciates you, and that you can have a successful and fulfilling marriage. In other words, apply the self-confidence you had while dating to being a happily married woman. Exactly what do we mean? Here are some examples:

Maintain a positive attitude. It helps to be optimistic, not cynical—and to look at the glass as half full. You still believe in love and marriage, even if some of your friends are divorced or this is your second marriage. You smile a lot. You’re easy to be with.

You’re not a grievance collector. You don’t hold grudges because you know that grudges hurt you more than the other person and add wrinkles and years to your life, so you don’t tolerate them for more than five minutes. You believe that good things happen to good people most of the time, so you try to be good. You don’t care if people think you are naive or a Pollyanna. It makes you happy to think this way, and that’s what counts.

I love this chapter so much, and when I rediscovered The Rules after reading them a long time ago, I realised this is pretty much how I live my life.  I don’t play games, I don’t try to control my man, I endeavour to be easy going and cheery, and take things in my stride.  And guess what?  It’s returned to me by a happy husband.

I heard a saying that the woman is the thermostat for the home rather than the thermometer, and I truly believe that.  Whether we have children or not, women set the tone for how things are in the home and the relationship.

Are you a Rules fan?  Can’t stand it?  I’d love to hear your thoughts and in the meantime, I’m going to continue on reading The Rules.

Be chic everyone, see you tomorrow!

{Inspiration} 30 Chic Days – The Fourth Series: Day 15

I was reading recently about a woman who had literally created her own fantasyland.  She decided how she wanted to live, and how it ended up was that she lived on a beautiful property in the desert.  She had her horses with her, and her home was decorated with furniture that she’d had made especially in her favourite Santa Fe style.  Of course she had some serious money, but even if she hadn’t, I’m sure she would have found a way to bring parts of her fantasy life into her everyday life.

The term ‘creating your own fantasyland’ makes me think that perhaps I’m not being so silly since I’ve always wanted to create a fantasyland for myself – my own blush pink-tinted, rose-scented French-inspired fantasyland that I call my life.  Some of that description is physically my surroundings and some is in my head only, because I prefer a clean and neat home style which is not too frou frou.

This is what makes life so much fun; you don’t have to be like anybody else.  You can be exactly who you are, and even more of who you are.  You can bring all of the different things you love into your home, into your closet, into the things you do in a day.  You can marry the fantasy dream life in your head with your own preferences of how you want to live.

Maybe you prefer to do a ballet workout dvd or yoga class instead of going to the gym.  It just feels more feminine and enjoyable to you.  Maybe you have a thing about how and what you eat; your own personal standards.  Personally I can’t eat much without a knife and fork (apart from maybe fresh fruit, but even then I’ll cut it up with a knife and put it in a plate).  My husband laughs (nicely) at me because I prefer to eat with utensils, even takeaway food.  He thinks it is cutely endearing.

Having a dreamy vision of how you want to live your life is so motivating!  Sometimes it’s words and pictures in your head, and sometimes it’s simply a gorgeous feeling that you get when you envisage your ideal life.

My dream life is quiet, simple, creative and spacious, and I have this beautiful vision of our dream home on a piece of land which is big enough that we can’t see or hear the neighbours.  We’ll live near a small town and in a low-key way.  We’re planning for this in the short term (within a year) which makes me so happy!

I’ll be thrilled to be living a small-town country life, but I’ll equally enjoy it when we travel to the city and overseas.  I love that I don’t have to be city or country, Paris or New Zealand, pampered or self-sufficient.  I can be everything all at once and it all blends together to become who I am.

What about you?  What does your dream life look like?  Are there parts of you that some may consider disparate?

I’d love to hear your thoughts and, until tomorrow, be chic!