How to be chic when those around you are not

It’s all very well to decide that you want to uplevel yourself and be a more refined person with chic habits and a stylish way of living, but what about the other people you share your life with?

Maybe you’d like to have elegant four-course dinners when your family would prefer to eat in the front of the television.  Maybe you try to keep a positive mindset but your husband is discontent, cantankerous and moody.  Maybe your family dresses in sweats when you go out but you want to try dressing up more.

I know my mum used to despair when she tried a new recipe and her ungrateful children would say ‘ooh yuck, what’s this’.  She is a champion soup maker and tried Gazpacho on us once which is meant to be served chilled.  You can imagine how that went down – ‘cold soup???'  Poor mum, she really tried to educate us...

So here are my four tips on being chic, when those around you are not.

Harness the chic energy.  When you come across a new and exciting concept or are inspired to do things differently, it’s easy to get carried away with enthusiasm.  That’s fine, but keep the fun to yourself to begin with.  It’s so very tempting (and I know because I’ve done it) to trumpet your new thoughts to your family and try and get them to do it with you.  Whether it’s a chic and healthy eating plan, walking after dinner every night, deciding to dress up a bit more or decluttering the house, it is easy to be excitable when a thought is new and fresh.

A far better method is to keep all that lovely energy contained and let it power you to make the changes you can’t wait to implement.  Have you ever found that when you share a plan, it loses some of it’s fizz?  And then you might not even carry it through because your enthusiasm is gone.  I truly believe that talking about something lets out some of the magic.  It is exactly like a bottle of Perrier losing its sparkle once you’ve opened it.

Know that you can only change yourself.  Nagging at people will not make them want to change to be more like you.  It will only make them dig their heels in.  Think about it from the other perspective – do you thank people who make ‘helpful’ suggestions as to how to better yourself?  Or do you think ‘I’ll do exactly as I want thanks, feel free to keep your thoughts to yourself’.  I know I do.  Even if it’s a really good suggestion, I still would rather come up with the idea for myself.

That's supposed to be the secret too, by the way, of successful people - they get other people to do what they want, but the other person thinks it's their own idea.  When I've mastered this I'll let you know!

Lead by example.  Since the only person you can control is yourself, show others what you’re doing rather than telling them.  Don’t say what you’re going to do, just do it with pleasure.  They will notice, they will see you’re having fun and getting results and they may wish to join you, or they may not.  Either way it is their choice, but if you look like you're really enjoying yourself, they'll probably want to come along too.

If your plan involves other people, say it’s going to a French-subtitled movie, you could offer a trade-off.  Say to them ‘I’d love to see this, would you be happy to go with me, then you can choose a movie that is entirely your choice another night?’.  I do movie turn-about with my husband, so it's my choice one night and then... spy thriller another.

Another plan that involves others is eating dinner at the table.  I admit, most of the time my husband and I eat in front of the television.  However, if I’m feeling in a chic mood I might set the dining table nicely and light candles.  ‘Ooh, are we having guests?’ might be the question when he gets home.  ‘No’, I say, 'I just felt like being fancy tonight’. And he’s happy to go along with it.  Maybe you could have Fancy Friday or Set the Table Saturday in your home and introduce eating at the table thin-end-of-the-wedge style.

At home when I was growing up we ate dinner at the table, and maybe on the weekend we’d be able to watch a Disney movie eating dinner on the coffee table in front of the fireplace.  Happy memories!

As far as dressing up goes, if it feels good for you, just wear it.  Don't worry if you think you don't 'fit in' with those around you.  Every day in the shop I see many different people - most dress smart casual like I do, but some really dress up - ladies in a pretty frock and high heels, and men in smart suits with a sharp tie and nice watch.  It's really nice to experience and it definitely makes me feel like lifting my game, so you never know who you will inspire around you if you dress to please yourself.

Infuse yourself with positivity and chic inspiration.  I feel fortunate that my husband is very easy-going and has a happy disposition most of the time but what if your other half is a bit of a grump or very negative?  The main thing you will want to do is infuse yourself with goodness so that you are protected from the negativity somewhat.

Every day I listen to podcasts.  I read books that uplift me, both fiction and non-fiction, and I read blogs with a positive message.  I don’t read the newspaper or watch the news very often, and I notice how much better I feel for this.  I write happy thoughts in my journal and look for all the ways I am so very blessed.  There's tons!

By filling myself up with happiness and chic motivation, I am not relying on others around me to dictate how I feel.  And, I can even affect how they feel.  I know if I come home in a foul mood I infect my husband with it.  And a bad mood is my choice, I don’t have to give in.  So more and more I choose the path of ease and forgiveness – it feels better for me and those around me.  It’s better for your health too!

These are just a few of my tips on being chic when those around you are not; I think it all comes down to feeling the confidence to do what you do.  Are there any thoughts you like to add to this conversation?  I'd love to hear them.

Decluttering to be slim

I love Peter Walsh’s book ‘Does this clutter make my butt look fat?’. I’ve read it a few times and listened to the audiobook many times. He said that in his years as a professional declutterer he came across many instances of people losing weight once they had decluttered their home. (I see he has a new book out too which looks great and gets good reviews 'Lose the Clutter, Lose the Weight').

I can definitely see how this would be true. There is a definite difference in the way I feel when I've decluttered an area or a room. I don’t feel so bogged down, and this lighter feeling carries over into other areas of my life as well. I used to feel like a failure if I had to declutter again, because I thought I’d done it once. It was only when I realised that organising and simplifying is simply good personal hygiene much like brushing your teeth or taking a shower which you do on a regular basis that I felt better about it.

Sure you may do a big declutter like Marie Kondo says is all you need, but I do believe there is maintenance, because there is always a flow in and out of our home. And more than anything else, our home is a reflection of what’s going on inside of us.

If home feels messy and like you’re wading through things with cluttery corners everywhere you turn, how can you have clear thinking? When I think ‘I’m too busy to straighten out this room, I’ll do these other things first’ I invariably find I take more time than I might have because I can’t think straight.

I’m not following Marie Kondo’s category list to the T, but I am going through our home by category which is what she recommends. First was books, and I donated those this week. Then I started on my closet with my knicker drawer. Before, I just threw my undies in the drawer in a higgledy fashion and as a result was wearing the same ones over and over simply because they were on the top.  I'd organise the drawer sometimes, but mostly it went back to the way it was. So I tipped out the whole drawer (it’s not very big) and then folded them KonMari-style. I only got rid of one pair which had fringey elastic (not in a designer way) because I’d had a big clean-up late last year and bought some new pairs too.

This photo may be too much for a blog, but how pretty do all my folded knickers look? I also did my singlet/tank top/camisole drawer. I love them all so I just refolded and stacked KonMari-style as well. My bras were also good, they had been sorted out when I did my knickers. Socks, I donated a few pairs and arranged the rest.

So all my small drawers are done and I’m ready to move onto my three large drawers. I haven’t organised them in so long – maybe six months? – that all my summer clothes are mixed up with my winter woollies, and home clothes and out clothes are mixed up to. I’m sure it won’t take long, maybe an hour or two, but oh, it will be so satisfying…

Are you sifting through your home decluttering and simplifying like I am? Do you feel slimmer/lighter when you have decluttered?

Simplifying and KonMari-ing

I'm on the home stretch now finishing up my newest book 'Thirty Chic Days: Practical inspiration for a beautiful life'; we're down to the final edit and then it will be released - I'm planning for it to be out in March - exciting!  However, having a messy and cluttered home office does not feel good when I'm writing.  My home office is the room that everything gets put into and it's really putting a crimp in my creativity.  So I have been decluttering this space with Marie Kondo's 'Does this spark joy?' question in mind.

The bookshelf above, sits behind my writing desk, and this photo of it is post-streamlining.  The photo below, is the 'before' photo.  There is a whole extra row of books along the top, plus piles are stacked on top of the standing books in each cubby.  The After photo calms my heart.

I am donating a lot of books.  There were many fiction books that I thought I'd read again but I haven't.  An example:  I had all Sophie Kinsella's wonderfully funny and nutty books including the Shopaholic series.  I will probably re-read some of them at some stage, but I can easily borrow them from our library, and in the meantime someone else can enjoy them and I'm not having to house them.  The only book in the fun-fiction category I have kept is Jemima J, by Jane Green.  I love this book and have read it many times.  I was surprised to see on Amazon that it had really polarising reviews - it seems you either love it or hate it.

I'm also moving along those books that don't inspire me as much as I thought they would - sometimes it's something as small as (literally) the font.  One book that looked like it might interest me had such tiny font and really closely spaced lines, so much that it made my eyes funny.  I'm not in the market for large print just yet, but this tiny print was ridiculous.  I don't need that kind of aggravation in my life so out this book went - and I checked to make sure the font on Thirty Chic Days was not too small :).

Some books that I kept simply needed their dust jacket removed and I loved them again.  Some dust jackets look outdated or are faded, and when you reveal the simple cover underneath, the book seems quite different. I love Debra Ollivier's Entre Nous and can't ever see myself decluttering that, but another of her French-themed books 'What French Women Know' I was on the verge of donating because it had such an awful red and black dust jacket, with no image and no design qualities whatsoever.  Looking inside the book showed me that I actually probably wanted to keep it because the information within looked quite delicious, so I removed the dust jacket and found a simple white cover with pretty pastel spine detail.  I felt bad throwing out all these glossy paper book covers, but I know I will enjoy the books much more without them.

And then there were books that just didn't resonate with me anymore.  Ten or fifteen years ago they did and I read and re-read them then, but now, well I've moved onto other things and some information I just don't need anymore.  I've learnt and implemented, and now it's time for someone else to have a chance to read those books.

The final type of book I donated was reference books that I knew I would never pick up - it would be straight to Google for me.

Look at those stacks of books waiting to be released into the wild - they look so ready!

I did have a few issues with the donation boxes though.  You know how cats like to hide in boxes?  Well, Nina (on the left) and Jessica (right) are no exceptions.  They stayed in the boxes so long I was getting impatient.  I wanted to get those books packaged up and out of my home office.  Eventually they surfaced and I could box everything up though.

I haven't completely finished my home office declutter, but this was a big part of it and the energy feels so different already - fresh, airy, clean - and this inspires me to keep on going (not that I need motivation right now - I've got it all goin' on).

A great Feng Shui tip I read, was 'make your least favourite place into your favourite place'. When I think about which was my least favourite place in our home it was definitely the home office, because even though I want to sew and write in there, it was a dumping ground of items to donate or store and it wasn't a very inspiring place to be. No more though; as I streamline, clean and scent my home office, it's now the place that lifts me up and makes me feel so creative.

What area of your home would you say is your least favourite, and... just what are you going to do about it?

The ‘More’ Technique

 

Common wisdom says that whatever you give someone attention for encourages them to do more of the same.  It’s used with children and even for training dogs.  Therefore, to apply it to ourselves, this wisdom says that you would do well to focus on the good behaviour and ignore the bad behaviour - because you want more of the good, and not the bad of course.

It makes so much sense.  Instead of telling ourselves we cannot stay up late because we will be tired in the morning or we cannot eat treat foods all the time; why not reframe these statements?  Many examples spring to mind and reading this list is very appealing to me (more so than a list of nots):

More water (to drink)

More fruit and vegetables

More protein

More walking

More sleep

More early nights

More home-cooked meals

More quiet time

More time spent grooming

More time spent organising

More fun

Doesn’t that sound much more motivating?

For me, in addition to the above, this week I’m going to focus on:

More creativity

More time to spare by being better organised

More books to read

More being

More positive affirmations

More listening

More green tea

What are you going to do MORE of?

The 'Amelie' Technique

Image from Polyvore

One of my favourite books in the French Chic genre is Anne Barone’s Chic & Slim Techniques.  In this book Anne lists ten techniques to assist you in being chic and slim a la Francaise.  I dip into this delicious and petite volume from time to time and pick one technique to read and let soak into my consciousness.

It was from this book that I was inspired to think about my own chic techniques, so, may I present to you my first one:

The Amelie Technique

Most likely you are familiar with the sweet and whimsical movie Amelie, starring Audrey Tautou.  Can you believe it came out in 2001 – fifteen years ago?  Amelie is a very shy waitress at a charming café in Montmartre and seems to spend her spare time getting involved in other peoples lives.  She helps a blind man across the street, describing the sights around him for his benefit; she finds the owner of a tin full of memontos that she comes across by chance hidden in the wall of her bathroom; and she looks for the owner of torn-up photo-booth photos that are scattered around train stations.

The movie itself takes you on a tour around the Montmartre area of Paris, and watching it really fills up my heart with Parisian yumminess.  It’s just the tonic on an everyday day.  So just what inspiration could we take from this movie to create the Amelie Technique, which promises to enhance our daily routine with a little French pixie-dust?

Here are a few baguette crumbs that come to mind…

Simple pleasures.  Amelie sinking her hand into a sack of white beans at the greengrocers.  Cracking an egg with care and ease.  Sitting down to a perfectly prepared meal of pasta and tomato sauce topped with freshly shaved Parmesan.  Enjoying the area where she lives, by exploring on foot.  Living in a home that contains just the items she needs and plenty of free space even though her apartment is small.  Embracing analogue (as evidenced by Amelie’s dial telephone and old school alarm clock).

Amelie certainly is the princesse of simple pleasures.

What about our life though?  What simple pleasures can we think of that we can either do more of, or, simply notice when we do them rather than have them pass us by on auto-pilot?  For me it’s climbing into bed at night and relaxing my thoughts, picking up a big bag of library books for the weekend, or pottering around organising my wardrobe…

Routines and rituals.  Sure, Amelie was a little neurotic, but I adored the way she had her routines and rituals and was quite precise and methodical in how she spent her days.  From winding up her alarm clock up at night to shopping for dinner ingredients on the way home, to keeping an orderly and sparsely furnished home; you could tell she lived a simple and uncomplicated life.

We can cultivate and enjoy routines and rituals in our own life too.  Some that come to mind that I love to do are reading with my feet up for half an hour before dinner, having a face-mask and read in our bedroom before bed and my hot tea early in the morning.  Routines and rituals help me feel like everything is under control and life is on an even keel.

Joy and whimsy.  Taking inspiration from Amelie, why not keep our enthusiasm fresh and new, and approach life in a joyous and whimsical way.  We can retain our youth forever if we want to, by having a childlike enthusiasm for everything that we do.  Age truly is a state of mind.

Just like a young child, Amelie plays cheeky tricks on a mean man and then hides and watches.  She takes it upon herself to find out the identity of the mysterious person in the torn-up photos.  Amelie is almost like a kitten or puppy playing with its own shadow, in that she creates her an adventure where others might see none.

I believe it is possible to be this way, and at the same time be a responsible and reliable grown-up.  You can take life seriously whilst simultaneously not taking life too seriously.  For me, I have systems set up such as automated bill payments and set days to do certain tasks etc; this gives me the freedom to be spontaneous because I don’t have to think of those things at other times.  Having a streamlined life and decluttered home helps with this too - your mind feels more free when you have less to look after.

Personal style.  Amelie’s wardrobe in the movie is very stylised and appealing.  She looks quintessentially French with her black bob and red lipstick.  She wears cute little dresses and cardigans in a simple colour palette of red, green and black.  This is carried through to her home which is decorated in similar shades and (quite traditional furnishings).

We can apply this to our own personal style by viewing ourselves from the outside as others do.  What does the way we present ourselves say about us?  Does it say what we’d like it to say?  If you were going to have a movie about you, called (in my case) Fiona, would you want to watch it or would it be a boring story with a boringly-dressed main character?  It would be fun to create the capsule wardrobe for your own movie.  You’d want the wardrobe to capture your sparkling essence, naturellement.

And my home?  Can I view this as an outsider might, to see if there are cluttery areas I’m turning a blind eye to?  What do I want my home to say about me and can I be more intentional in portraying who I want to be?

I heard a great piece of advice in a personal development seminar I listened to a while back.  The speaker basically said to the audience that when they went back home they would need to change their environment, because going back into the same enrivonment would draw them back into how they were, and drag them back into their past stories.  The speaker referenced changes such as getting rid of pictures or clothes, for example, that brought back unhappy memories or made you feel bad about yourself.

I think that’s why having a big decluttering and/or organising bonanza feels so amazing because the process does literally change how you feel and act, from the inside out.  You can’t help but change and go in the direction that your environment dictates.

It’s fun to take inspiration from a movie or book and make changes based on that – you could take literal inspiration (such as when I made my own clothes inspired by Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink when that movie came out in the 80s) or simply be inspired to have more of your own point of view when it comes to a look (like watching Amelie does for me).

What did you get from the Amelie movie?  Can you think of any additions to the Amelie technique?  I'd love to hear.

A weekend must-read

I read such a great book this week and I wanted to let you know about it, because it’s available for free on Amazon at the moment.  I haven’t read anything by this author before and the book caught my eye because it was number one in the Kindle Free Store when I downloaded it.  And for good reason!

It’s a sweet and simple story about a girl and a boy.  She’s studious and he’s a boy from her town who is now a mega-movie-star.  It was fun reading behind-the-scenes about his life and from the celebrity's aspect.  Aside from the love story though, it has surprising plot twists and a tense back story that is not revealed straight away, so it's a really meaty story whilst also being light and easy to read.

I started the book on Monday afternoon and finished it Thursday night.  That’s really fast for me, but I wanted to find out how the story ended, at the same time as not wanting it to end because I was enjoying being privy to main character’s Chloe's story so much.  Don't you love those kind of books?

This is the first full-length book I’ve read on my Kindle and I’ll be honest, I didn’t know if I could get through a whole book on a screen.  But I did and I was tap, tap, tapping the pages away because I was so engrossed in the story.  As I got closer to the end I felt sad that I would have to leave their world; so imagine my happiness when the final page announced the sequel.  Yippee!

So if you’re looking for something, fun, light and happy-making to read for the weekend, I’d recommend you download this (free! yay!) book now.  I already have the sequel in my Kindle ready to go so I’m a contented girl.  It’s the little things in life don’t you think?