Monday, November 27, 2017

How to find out what you really need to be happy

I did some really interesting thinking when I was out walking Teddy the poodle yesterday.  It was sparked off by someone talking about listening in to your intuition.  So I was strolling along with Teddy thinking about my intuition and asking 'her' (the higher me) questions.  I asked what she thought of certain things and what suggestions she could offer.

One thought I came to was asking myself as a little girl what I needed to be happy.  I’ve heard of this before, of asking your inner child, or the younger you about things.  Look at what she enjoyed doing when she was little and invite those things into your life now.

It’s a fun way to feel happy, peaceful, grounded and content, and it costs nothing.  Well, I guess that depends on what your little girl wants :)  But my little girl, little Fiona had some soothing words for me when I asked her what she needed to be happy yesterday.

She tells me that she needs:

  • comfort and cosiness
  • routines and boundaries
  • her books and pretty things like her dolls
  • yummy little dinners that also make her feel good
  • to play and to run around
  • to go to the park and the beach
  • her creative time with her pencil and her book

She makes her own fun because she has such a vivid inner world of prettiness and imagination.  She really does love being self-contained and in her own space.  She needs me to make boundaries and routines for her when she’s at home when no-one else is, because otherwise she would, as a young girl might, just wander around from room to room and probably get a bit bored.

But when I help her, when I make boundaries for her and when I put little routines into place, it makes her feel so happy, and it makes her feel safe.  And she lets me know that she needs to feel safe because she has been scared, for no logical reason, but maybe it’s the lack of boundaries and lack of security and lack of routine that makes her feel unsafe.

She just needs me to take her in hand and guide her.  Guide her to her ultimate happiness, guide her to find out what she loves doing the most.  I hear that little girl, because deep inside I’m still the same person, because that’s my soul.

What she wants is to share with the world – her happiness, her creativity, her self-sufficiency; she wants show other people ‘look how much fun it can be when you create your own inner world to inspire you’.  She wants to show other people her world, and share it with her ladies, because she knows those ladies are lovely.  She writes about what she wants to write about, and it makes other people happy too which only adds to it for her.

How about that huh?  I didn’t expect all that when I started thinking as I was walking.  And what I did to capture all this, was turn the voice recorder on my phone and talk into it as I walked.  So it was sort of like journaling, but talking.

If this sounds like a fun exercise to you, ask your younger you what she needs to feel happy, safe, relaxed, whatever sounds good to you.  I’m not sure of her age; I can picture her, she was definitely under ten, maybe under five.

Please let me know how you get on if you do join in, please leave some fun bits or perhaps answers you are particularly pleased with in the comments.

And I'd like to wish you (and your inner littlies) a beautiful week!



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  1. our posts are always such food for thought.
    When I was young, I had a 5-year diary. I wrote in it most in the last year, when I was about 13, and I love flipping through it from time to time. How much changed, and how much didn't. I was very diligent, ambitious (though within the good-girl parameters of the '70s), outraged at injustices and so eager to please that any criticism cratered me. Somehow, reading it from then, and following the map of years that led to today, makes it easier to see my true self today. You've inspired me to get it out to read again today.

  2. I believe that we were closer to "who we really are" when we were children than we we are now. This is because, as we get older, we are influenced by our parents, by our peer group, and by society, and sometimes our ideals conflict with some or all of these groups and we tamp them down. We try to fit in, to be what others want us to be. We forget who we really are.

    When I think about it, the things that I love today are the same things I enjoyed when I was a child: reading, writing, drawing, birds, dressing up, playing house.

    1. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on the subject and I think you hit the nail on the head. I feel the same way. Very well said indeed. This post has been a lot of food for thought. Checking in with our inner child may just be the key to being our best adult.

  3. Love this. I rarely think about how I was as a child, which is a shame because I had a wonderful childhood really. So I will follow the steps you suggest to try to reconnect with the girl I used to be :)

  4. When I asked my inner child what would make me happy, a picture came into my mind of myself at about 5 years old, being outside on a sunny day, skipping joyfully along a path. I love summer and most of my childhood was spent playing outside in nearby woods and fields with my friends. I often think about those days. An interesting idea Fiona, and now I might ask my inner teenager what would make her happy.

  5. I love this post but my childhood is definitely not a place that I want to revisit. I had horrible brothers who were constantly being nasty and violent towards me, a mother who thought me ugly and like her detested sister and who gave me dreadful haircuts and cast off clothes from my cousin, but whom I was desperate to please. What I wanted was pretty long hair in bows, and flowers and pretty feminine things. I loved to sit quietly in my room with my cats, escaping through books which I devoured avidly, nice and safe from my brothers. It was only meeting my gorgeous husband when I was 17 that I was able to start to gather self confidence and feel beautiful. I have blossomed in his love and have set about creating a life that brings me peace, joy, fulfillment, purpose and safety. I have been able to create a good relationship with my parents and brothers but it took many years. I have now reached that happy state of not needing or trying to please or impress others. If they can't see my worth, then I just don't bother with them.

    1. So sad, Melissa, I feel for you. I also feel grateful that my childhood was so warm, happy and kind. I'm glad you are happy now.

  6. I did a similar exercise years ago but got nowhere much. However that night I dreamed of the teen age me shutting the child me into a closet and locking it. I scolded her roughly for treating her younger self in such a way. Needless to say, it was a very revealing dream! I shall have to try this exercise now that I am sure my inner child is no longer 'locked away.'

  7. I noticed, a few years ago, that when I walked, I often processed emotions better and was better able to work through problems than if I sat and pondered. I love your post. I think the answers always reside somewhere inside of us. I love your bit about 'she makes her own fun.' Isn't that the truth?

  8. This is absolutely fascinating! I'm going to try this.

  9. I loved this post. I find walking (or any movement really) is such a great way to process all of our subconscious thoughts and get our creativity flowing. When I'm writing, I often take breaks to just walk or do chores, which yields so many wonderful thoughts.


Merci for your comment. Wishing you a chic day!

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