Friday, May 26, 2017

How to cultivate a sense of peace and calm






This week we travelled down to Hawke’s Bay and had a look at properties for sale.  Autumn is a beautiful time of year almost anywhere, and my hometown is no exception.  Driving around the countryside with all the trees changing colour was a magnificent experience.

We didn’t know if we would find a house that we would fall in love with on our first proper look, but we did.  The thing is, it already has another offer on it conditional on the purchaser’s house selling.  We were able to put in a back-up offer though, which we did today.  We’ll know within a couple of weeks if we are successful.

The interesting thing is how I am feeling about the whole process.  I love the house and I can see us living there and I really hope we get it, but I am curiously detached from the outcome.  I have a good feeling about the house and think we will be successful, however I know that if this does not go through, it means that an even better home for us will be just around the corner.  I already know that I won’t be devastated if we don’t get it.

As I pondered to myself just how good this feeling of detachment is, I thought that it could equally apply to other areas of a person’s life and be of benefit.


  • When you are focused on losing weight, don’t worry about what you weigh or how long it is going to take; just focus on doing what you need to do each day – focus on being healthy every day.


Focus on the process not the outcome


  • When you apply for a new job, do your best at the interview but know that if you don’t get it, there is an even better job around the corner.


Focus on the process and trust that everything will work out for the best


  • When your husband leaves you and you think your whole world has fallen apart.  It has temporarily, but you will see that it will turn out even better than you could have imagined


I don’t know if there is a secret to life, but I feel like detaching from the outcome (of ‘whatever’) is one of them.  It feels like I have cracked the code with how calm and relaxed I feel.  I just know that everything will work out just the way it’s meant to, whether we buy this house or not.

Even in times when I wasn’t so settled, when I was newly divorced and flatting with three others in my early thirties, not much in the bank; I still knew that I was on the right path.  I trusted that life was unfolding exactly as it should, and all I had to do was my bit – thinking and dreaming of future plans, but living day to day as best I could.

Have you ever had this experience?  I’d like to continue cultivating it and hopefully spread it to every part of my life, because it truly does feel like you have been set free, and gets rid of that feeling of fear and desperation, which lets face it, is never fun.

I’d love to hear of your examples of detaching from the outcome, and also areas where you imagine it could be successfully applied to.

Have a great weekend, whether it’s spring or autumn at your place!

Fiona

29 comments:

  1. Fortunately, I've never had the trauma and stress of divorce, Fiona, and I can only imagine how stressful this was for you, but also I've never been able to detach myself from events as you now are able to do. I've never even thought of detaching myself mentally, but even at my great age, I might be able to cultivate this habit if I try hard enough!
    The worst time ever was when I was diagnosed with breast cancer; how I wish I could've detached myself from how that affected me, how I could have adopted your maxim that all would be well, all would work out for the best. I was scared beyond belief and it took months to regain my equilibrium. I think some of us are capable of being more detached; perhaps I'm simply not one of them.
    I do hope you secure this home, but as you say, if you don't, another, better one will present itself! The very best of luck!
    Margaret P
    www.margaretpowling.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Margaret :)

    Yes, a big medical issue might not be so easy to detach from. I had a melanoma on my leg which proved to not have spread, but even before I knew that I felt quite calm. Maybe I'm the opposite of normal - calm with the big things and not with the small things.

    I'm so glad you were okay after your breast cancer, otherwise I'd never have had the pleasure of 'meeting' you, and your beautiful blog wouldn't have been released to the world.

    Margaret, knowing as much about you as I do, I am confident that you could do anything at any age :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you so much, Fiona for this timely and beautiful post.
    As you know, "things are unfolding as it should" is a thought that keeps me centered, empowered & calm. I have a loooong way to go with the practice of doing my best & letting go of the outcome but I am committed to making being detached of the outcome, 2nd nature.
    I think we may just have stumbled upon the secret to living a peaceful life.
    Thank you, Fiona.❤️

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a practice for me too, Miss K. xx

      Delete
  4. I think we come out better in the end when we learn something along the way. I certainly learned from my divorce years ago. Watching my SIL come back after cancer, I see that the lesson might be about appreciating life and resetting priorities. The lessons might be precisely what make things turn out OK.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So true, it's what we learn and find out about ourselves along the way.

      Delete
  5. Usually, I am a worrier. But a few years ago, my husband fell at home and cracked three ribs and punctured a lung. He was in the hospital for a few days, but for some reason, I didn't worry -- neither about his health nor about how we would pay for it. (This was before Obamacare, when we had NO medical insurance.) Somehow, I just knew everything would work out well.

    And so it did. Paul was not only okay, but they found out he had high blood pressure and he started seeing a doctor and getting that treated. The hospital, when it saw that we had no insurance and weren't in any financial shape to pay them, waived the entire cost of the hospital stay. I was gobsmacked. I expected them to maybe let us pay a little at a time, or maybe give us a discount, but the whole bill? Wow!

    Now the question is, in my mind, did I somehow know that this would be the outcome, so that is why I didn't worry? OR, did my belief that things would turn out okay cause the favorable outcome?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What an amazing turn of events, Mimi. I like to think you helped it along with your positive thinking :) Worrying is such a waste of energy that I try not to do it. Easier said than done sometimes I know, and when I find myself stewing it feels better to soothe myself with positive words. Plus I'm sure the good energy can't hurt!

      Delete
  6. Thank you Fiona. I've been really struggling with a major issue in my life dealing with life. This way of looking at things may be just what I need to do to cope. I so glad there are ladies out there like you sharing and giving to others to make a more tranquil life while we're here.
    Sincerely,
    C.S.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Best wishes to you for your situation, C.S. Do what you can of course, but remind yourself that everything will always workout for your highest good (and the highest good for those around you).

      Delete
  7. Thank you for this post Fiona. I am currently going through a divorce, and although I know there is something better out there for me, sometimes I dwell on the past. I don't want to be stuck in the past, I just want to look forward to what the future holds for me. In every aspect of my life whether it be my health, weight, or goals. I'm glad I can read about other women's experiences and feel like no one is really alone here. And I do hope you get your lovely house!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know that torn feeling well, and it's only natural when something like a divorce is very new to simultaneously be freaked out/excited for the future and grieving for what is gone.

      At that time for me I had a saying that I loved - 'living well is the best revenge'. I took it to heart when I was feeling hard-done-by and I chose to blossom rather than wither :)

      Delete
  8. You have the right attitude. If it's meant to be yours, it will be. Detach from the outcome, the perfect house is waiting for you to turn it into a home 😊

    ReplyDelete
  9. What a powerful lesson. It really does help maintain peace and calm and who doesn't want to feel peaceful? Lovely post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have learned a lot from your posts in the past on this topic, thank you Stephanie.

      Delete
  10. Thank you Fiona. Great wisdom in your words and perfect timing for me at a time when I needed this as a reminder.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are welcome, Susie, so glad I could help :)

      Delete
  11. I like this goal oriented with a take-it-or-leave-it-approach. Having alternate plans or ideas is a lot better than letting the circimstances control your mood.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly Lydia, I like the way you have said that. Set the goals and set them free :)

      Delete
  12. This is great! I would call this the "it is what it is" approach. I am hoping to get to this attitude in life really soon. Thank you for the words of wisdom!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love that saying, it's really grounding and soothing :)

      Delete
  13. Hi Fiona, Just like the love of your life, you will know when you find the right home (ha! corny I know). That's how it was for me when we were house hunting. It only took opening the front door and my first glance inside and I knew it was the one within seconds. I hadn't even stepped inside yet! The thing is, the exterior of the house when we drove up wasn't very impressive.

    I use your detachment technique also. One can only control a situation to a certain extent and then the rest is best left alone. Implementing this though is a work in progress for me. There is just so much I could worry about if I let it get a hold of me, and I am a master worry wart!

    D.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're so right, D. I feel that way about this home, but time will tell if my feeling was correct :)

      And yes, I am also a work in progress!

      Delete
  14. Good luck with the house Fiona and thank you for your timely post as I am another going through separation! It was such a shock and is very unsettling, I am trying to remain calm but as I am the one who has to move out, his house, it can get a bit stressful! So I will try your method of detachment. Thank you also for all your posts and books, I really enjoy reading them, it feels like chatting to a good friend. Best wishes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Edina, I am sorry to hear about your separation; I know it is an awful and unsettling time.

      I invite you to borrow my 'living well is the best revenge' motto. It led me to creating a life for myself that I loved, and also allowed me to be open to meeting someone else in due course.

      I also used to remember/tell myself (often) that I would never be given more than I could handle. I found a lot of strength that I didn't know I had!

      Best to you, Edina.

      Delete
  15. You said in one of your replies, "I chose to blossom rather than wither." That is a great reminder that we always have a choice, even while dealing with circumstances that are out of our control. We can choose our attitude. And even when we may not be perfect in maintaining that positive/grateful/hopeful attitude, the continued desire for and practice of it will make it easier over time! Thanks for the great reminder, Fiona.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Good luck on your house bid Fiona. As yiu have said if it not that one another perfect one will appear soon. You are going to a lovely part of the country!

    ReplyDelete

Merci for your comment. Wishing you a chic day!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...