Monday, December 13, 2010
Chic Habits: Having Mystique from your Significant Other
Having mystique at home/from your significant other. I read an article recently about two women who wrote a book on having a happy relationship. Julienne Davis and Maggie Arana have a book out called Stop Calling Him Honey and Start Having Sex. It sort of tells you right there in the title doesn't it?
Apparently there are a number of behaviours which can damage the dynamics of your relationship, and baby talk/names is right up there. By calling your sweetheart, well sweetheart, or darling or dear (even worse they say are baby-talk names like Beanybum or McMuffin Poopencakes - an actual one they came across) you are giving him the same generic nick-name as your barista or child.
I am guilty of this. I use 'sweetheart', but I also call kids in the shop trying on shoes 'sweetheart'. Better to use your husband's *gasp* actual name. Apparently as hard as that sounds (and it does to me, it sounds really formal), it will get easier and 'you'll soon realise you're thinking about him in a different way, and he's responding to you better.'
The authors are not professionals, but say the book is a result of 'ten years of the two of us searching and finally finding what really works to keep a couple's sex life hot'.
One of the authors said 'Looking back, I realised that my own sex life began to disappear when my partner and I started using pet names and baby talk with each other. We seemed like the perfect couple because we truly did love each other's company, but at home, we had so many bad habits going on that feeling sexual with each other was virtually impossible.'
Other bad habits include leaving the toilet door open (when you're in there), watching tv with dinner and letting 'bodily noises' hang out in his presence. These things are harmful to your sexual desire for each other. 'Apparently, failing to shut the bathroom door begins a downward spiral that ultimately turns lovers in roommates. "Certain barriers are worth rebuilding. Give yourself more privacy for a couple of weeks. Trust me, you'll feel sexier",' says one of the authors.
It made me think about how I conduct myself when at home with my husband. There are a few things to tweak to ensure our ongoing happy couplehood.
Close the bathroom or toilet door at all times. When I am brushing my teeth or washing my face doesn’t sound that bad, but why show him at all. Rather than see me with a whizzing toothbrush and foaming mouth, why not walk into the bathroom, close the door, then come out with a minty fresh smile.
Same with washing my face, I will go into the bathroom, close the door, before emerging with a fragrant, smooth and clean face. No hairband, no goo on my face, no raccoon eyes as I’m half done.
I mostly shut the toilet door, by mostly I mean if he’s near. But if my husband is downstairs and I am up, I don’t. It’s not a big effort to shut a door, so I plan to do this all the time, even when I am home alone. It’s a good habit to keep my mystique!
The authors say you don't need to dress up in sexy lingerie, you don't need to go see a therapist and 'you don't need to change who you are or spend a fortune to save your sex life. You just need to clear away all the stuff that's got in the way of the sexual dynamic you used to have.'
This is one thing I can start today (in fact I started yesterday) to improve my life with minimal effort and no expense. Just a change in thinking.
If you'd care to join me, please let us know what chic habits you would like to bring into your life, either on your own blog or in the comments here.