How to be serene (most of the time)

We use our local library a lot.  I order books, magazines, dvds and cds on their website and go in usually on a Friday to pick up our new stash and return due items.  However, they've recently upgraded their website and I found it bothersome to use.  I liked their old website much better!  So each time I'd log on to request items - which by the way costs me nothing for books and magazines, and a few dollars for a cd or dvd - I'd think 'stupid new website, why couldn't they leave it as it was'.

Instead of being grumpy about the new website I could be grateful.  I have access to this world-class library system and it costs virtually nothing.  They have spent probably hundreds of thousands if not millions upgrading what may have been an antiquated website that will set them up for the next few years.  I'm sure the staff have had way more headaches than me getting to grips with it, not to mention all the complaining customers who have undoubtedly flooded them with queries and moans.

I have no control over what the library does with their website so why am I getting grumpy about it.  Just accept that it has changed.  And that, my chic friends, is the key to serenity:

No complaining about that which you have no control over

This phrase would stop the whiny voice in my head 'why has this website changed, it used to be easier, now I have to learn something new...'

Complaining, even just to myself, about something I cannot control is futile.  It gets me nowhere since there is nowhere for the complaining to go - I can't fix it, I just stay stuck in the complaint with no was out.  If I complain about something I can fix, I can fix it, or stop complaining.  That's a different thing.  But complaining about something I have no control over is pointless.

I thought of other ways this focus is applicable:

• When someone is rude to me
• When someone cuts me off in the car or makes me take evasive action not to collide with them
• When someone is thoughtless - cuts into a queue, doesn't return a call
• A news item, if I happen to see the news or if someone asks 'did you hear about...'
• A business's stupid policy
• Other people simply being annoying - parking badly, loud music etc
• When other online things change - i.e. our online banking, email, our shop website's hosting company
• When I have no choice over buying a new electronic item because the old one has died or is obselete, such as my laptop.  When I had to get a new laptop just over a year ago it caused me months of stress, anxiety, anger and all sorts of not good emotions.  Yes it was loads of hassles, one after the other, but at the end of the day I just had to learn what to do to fix the issues and move on.

There are many ways in which this realisation will benefit me:

• It gives me clear boundaries - if I can do something about it I will, if I have no control over it, I will go with it (or choose not to deal with that company maybe)
• I will feel proactive
• I will feel like I am in control (this is the main thing - feeling like you are helpless is the worst feeling and it leaves you feeling really demoralised)
• I will become stronger with each thing I delete or overcome
• I will be emotionally mature by sailing my own ship, not letting the waves buffet me around so much
• I will be more positive and successful in my endeavours because I will be focusing on that which I do have control over, rather than the other
• I will radiate calmness
• I will go through life lightly, letting annoyances slip away, I don't need to hold onto them
• I get to choose how I feel
• I will be nicer to be around
• I will have better health and general happiness because I have less stress

What do you think?  Do you stress about little (and big) things that you have no control over?  What might you change, if anything?  I’d love to know.

fiona

PS.  I've had wonderful feedback from my latest book 'How to be Chic in the Winter', which is all about living slim, happy and stylish during the cold season.  Here is what one of my lovely readers Elizabeth had to say:

'Great book!  She articulates and explains so many things I have struggled with in putting together my ideal lifestyle. She has a unique, patient, and step by step way of explaining....how to be CHIC! Want to read all her others. LOVED her Christmas Chic book too.'

I am so happy that my writing comes across in this way; thank you for the review Elizabeth!

How to live your dream chic life

The view from my dad's terrace.  It's soothing.

Happy new year, dear chic friends!

I was going for a walk around midday the other day, on a weekday.  People around me were on their lunchbreak and here was me, walking along soaking up the sun, with no work to go back to in the afternoon.  Now that we have sold our business and finished up training the new owners, this is my new life.

Writing will be my job from now on, but still, I could hardly call it a job because I love it so much.  Plus, my commute is just down the hall and the cats can come too.  I’ve always wanted a ‘bring your cat to work day’; I just had to invent my own :)

I am also in this fortunate position because we have a low-cost lifestyle.  We don’t waste money and we love to keep things simple.  Because of this we have paid our house off early and have no debt.

That is the biggest thing I would say to anyone – get rid of your debt as fast as you can.  You have so much more freedom with no debt.  To me, a newer house, better/second car, more vacations and fancier clothes all come a distant second to ridding myself of debt (including ‘good’ debt, such as a house payment or student loans).

I am also not kidding myself because I know it might not be so easy when you have kids to pay for.  We don’t have children, and I know it makes a huge difference to household spending.  They’re expensive!  But I do think you can live a simple, low-cost life with children; you have to be intentional about it and it might feel uncomfortable going against what your friends and family are doing, but it’s worth it.

So here I am, the 46-year old who gets to create at home, enjoying her favourite place to be, reading often and enjoying her own company.  We don’t really change that much do we?  I love the quote which I think is attributed to Gertrude Stein that talks about us not changing as we get older, but only becoming more of who we already are.

Now, I don’t say all of this to brag, but I want to show you that it is possible to do what you really want in life.

If you had no money worries or any other considerations, how would you spend your day?  When I think about it, all I ever wanted to do was be at home, and be creating.  Imagining your dream day is a great thing to think about.

If you don’t want to share in the comments, make some notes for yourself.  Then you will see how big the gap is between your current days and what you would actually like them to look like.  It may be closer than you think, and it may be poles apart.

And now that you have an idea of how you would love to live, you can work and plan towards it.  What better time than the new year to begin to dream?  It was about this time two years ago that my husband and I started saying to each other ‘what if…’ and ‘imagine if we could…’ and started breathing life into our dream lifestyle.

If your other half is not so keen to talk like this, slip it sideways into a conversation when you are on vacation, watching a movie or even simply sipping a coffee together at a nice café.  Not so much ‘we need to talk’, but ‘imagine if we could live like this every day’.

Don’t let another year slip by where you are middling along with your life just because everyone around you is too, but underneath wondering ‘is this all there is’?  I love to inspire myself by reading about people who have done amazing things, because then my little aspirations don’t seem so outrageous by comparison.

I encourage you to begin today to explore your dream chic life.

fiona

PS.  If you would like to read more from me on the topic of living an abundant and prosperous life, check out my book Financially Chic, available on Amazon Kindle and in paperback.

Weirdly enough I picked up my own copy at home last week and started flicking through it.  I ended up reading a chapter and forgot it was my book.  I was thinking to myself ‘this is so good, I feel really motivated’ and then clicked back into reality that I had written it.  So, if it’s not a biased opinion for the author to say so, it’s an excellent book.  Take that as you will :)