Dear friends,
Yesterday we took the doggies out for a walk on a rainy, mild autumn day here in Hawke’s Bay, New Zealand. Micky’s (our white dog) favourite walk is around Ahuriri Beach so off we went. It was raining when we drove there, but cleared up just as we parked. Then, as we were getting back to the car it start spitting again. We timed it perfectly!
Daphne and Chloe love a walk too but are more nervous than Micky when we are out.
How lovely does the sky look? Threatening but bright haha. This photo turned out so well with the tussock in the foreground. Very pretty and well balanced too! It’s such a lovely public area, and you can see the Napier Port in the background.
Since my last post I’ve been through a lot, again! It seems like everything is a lot at the moment. After my radiation treatment I felt great and thought I had escaped the post-radiation fatigue. But less than a week after we returned home from our Palmerston North jaunt, my wheels fell off. I’d felt good all day, been for a lovely massage for my arm and hand lymphedema, but when I got home and was prepping dinner I felt so down all of a sudden.
Everything seemed overwhelming and difficult, and it was like I was plunged into a deep depression where nothing felt good and I couldn’t even crack a fake smile let alone a real one. I felt so flat. Paul took over dinner when he got home from work. He has been a star taking over everything since I was first diagnosed, and I decided an early night would fix things. At least that part of my brain was working well, but not much else was.
But the next morning I felt just the same. Boo! Miraculously though, during the day I felt a little bit better, and then I was out of it. It was the strangest thing, 24 hours of awfulness. I think it was because I’d had this short, sharp course of radiation that it hit me hard and quick. And I got quite tired after that but am feeling a bit better now. I just didn’t realise the fatigue would be emotional as well as physical, but now I do.
Apparently just because I’d ‘only’ had one week of radiation it wasn’t less. It was bigger doses delivered daily, and from my research was the equivalent of a 3-4 week radiation course. Wow.
And I’m still doing self-management on my lymphedema hand and arm. You can see in the photos I am wearing a black compression sleeve under my shirt, and a beige compression glove. I also wear a little patch of bumpy fabric called MobiDerm under my glove on the back of my hand because that’s the area that is still swollen. MobiDerm looks a bit like bubble wrap, but it’s made of papery fabric. All the little bumps in it massage the back of my hand as I move.
I also do lymphatic drainage massage across my clavicle bones, into my underarms, and down my left arm and hand multiple times a day. Yeah, I’m over it, it really is getting me down, but I need to keep going as I want to resolve it, not have it be a thing I have to deal with forever. I think that’s the thing that bums me out the most, the not knowing how long it will last.
At least with my surgery, it was scary for sure, but then it was done. And same with my radiation. But the swelling that has already been there a month and a half, and sometimes looks improved, and sometimes looks worse, it’s ongoing. I do have to say though, in the last three days or so I am seeing continued if tiny improvement so I will cling to that :)
I do think it will get better, and I’m willing to give it the time and effort it needs. I’m saying to myself ‘April, May, June’, giving myself that timeframe to manage and resolve it. Positive thinking, putting it out there, and acting-as-if all rolled into one!
And aside from that, I have little shooting, zingy breast pains often, particularly on the left side, and that’s from all the nerve endings rejoining and healing. They aren’t debilitating, just unsettling, even if I know they mean good things. But still, I know I am one of the lucky ones. A lot of other people have far worse health prognoses, and I appreciate that.
But let’s get back to our lovely walk:
Everything seemed overwhelming and difficult, and it was like I was plunged into a deep depression where nothing felt good and I couldn’t even crack a fake smile let alone a real one. I felt so flat. Paul took over dinner when he got home from work. He has been a star taking over everything since I was first diagnosed, and I decided an early night would fix things. At least that part of my brain was working well, but not much else was.
But the next morning I felt just the same. Boo! Miraculously though, during the day I felt a little bit better, and then I was out of it. It was the strangest thing, 24 hours of awfulness. I think it was because I’d had this short, sharp course of radiation that it hit me hard and quick. And I got quite tired after that but am feeling a bit better now. I just didn’t realise the fatigue would be emotional as well as physical, but now I do.
Apparently just because I’d ‘only’ had one week of radiation it wasn’t less. It was bigger doses delivered daily, and from my research was the equivalent of a 3-4 week radiation course. Wow.
And I’m still doing self-management on my lymphedema hand and arm. You can see in the photos I am wearing a black compression sleeve under my shirt, and a beige compression glove. I also wear a little patch of bumpy fabric called MobiDerm under my glove on the back of my hand because that’s the area that is still swollen. MobiDerm looks a bit like bubble wrap, but it’s made of papery fabric. All the little bumps in it massage the back of my hand as I move.
I also do lymphatic drainage massage across my clavicle bones, into my underarms, and down my left arm and hand multiple times a day. Yeah, I’m over it, it really is getting me down, but I need to keep going as I want to resolve it, not have it be a thing I have to deal with forever. I think that’s the thing that bums me out the most, the not knowing how long it will last.
At least with my surgery, it was scary for sure, but then it was done. And same with my radiation. But the swelling that has already been there a month and a half, and sometimes looks improved, and sometimes looks worse, it’s ongoing. I do have to say though, in the last three days or so I am seeing continued if tiny improvement so I will cling to that :)
I do think it will get better, and I’m willing to give it the time and effort it needs. I’m saying to myself ‘April, May, June’, giving myself that timeframe to manage and resolve it. Positive thinking, putting it out there, and acting-as-if all rolled into one!
And aside from that, I have little shooting, zingy breast pains often, particularly on the left side, and that’s from all the nerve endings rejoining and healing. They aren’t debilitating, just unsettling, even if I know they mean good things. But still, I know I am one of the lucky ones. A lot of other people have far worse health prognoses, and I appreciate that.
But let’s get back to our lovely walk:
I’ve been really enjoying my curly hair! I wash it every second day and put a little product in (a light gel-creme) and comb it, then let it air-dry. It happens pretty quick since it’s still quite mild here, but in the winter I won’t want it wet for that long. By that time my hand ‘should’ be better and holding a hairdryer for a long time will be comfortable.
I’m sure I could do it now, it only takes around 15 minutes to dry my hair nicely with a brush and a blowdryer, but it’s nice to have the break and air-dry for a while. I’m enjoying doing Project Pan on my hair products too. I don’t use much at a time since my hair gets weighed down easily, so I have a few different products I’m working through. The gel-creme tube (a L’Oreal Professional product that I’ve had for ages) is almost empty and I think today will be the day, hoorah! Another product panned!
We had a nice Easter, just quiet at home. Paul worked a few days, being in hospitality at a local winery, and they were very busy with lots of people coming into Hawke’s Bay for the long weekend which is good for the local economy, yay.
We hadn’t really had any Easter eggs, so on the way home from our dog walk yesterday we called into the supermarket to get a few treats which was yum :)
I’m sure I could do it now, it only takes around 15 minutes to dry my hair nicely with a brush and a blowdryer, but it’s nice to have the break and air-dry for a while. I’m enjoying doing Project Pan on my hair products too. I don’t use much at a time since my hair gets weighed down easily, so I have a few different products I’m working through. The gel-creme tube (a L’Oreal Professional product that I’ve had for ages) is almost empty and I think today will be the day, hoorah! Another product panned!
We had a nice Easter, just quiet at home. Paul worked a few days, being in hospitality at a local winery, and they were very busy with lots of people coming into Hawke’s Bay for the long weekend which is good for the local economy, yay.
We hadn’t really had any Easter eggs, so on the way home from our dog walk yesterday we called into the supermarket to get a few treats which was yum :)
How cool does the sky look (above)? I love the line between the clouds and the sea. Some call it the horizon haha, but it’s a beautiful contrast of blue-grey shades.
Paul normally walks Micky and I take Daphne and Chloe (‘The Boys’ and ‘The Girls’) but for the photos I took Micky because, you know, phones can get dropped when you’re trying to take a photo and your dog is heading off pulling the leash. Been there.
Paul normally walks Micky and I take Daphne and Chloe (‘The Boys’ and ‘The Girls’) but for the photos I took Micky because, you know, phones can get dropped when you’re trying to take a photo and your dog is heading off pulling the leash. Been there.
So that’s my little update. I hope you had a lovely Easter too, if you celebrate. Wherever you live I hope you are well and safe. I’m thinking of you.
And, I think, I will declare I’m ‘back’ now, and get into more frequent posting. The biggest thing for me is the collecting of photos. I can’t post on social media if I have no nice photos taken, and I have just not been taking photos lately. I have read a lot of books though!
And, I think, I will declare I’m ‘back’ now, and get into more frequent posting. The biggest thing for me is the collecting of photos. I can’t post on social media if I have no nice photos taken, and I have just not been taking photos lately. I have read a lot of books though!
My mum loaned me The Lady in the Van and it was so good. Just a small book which only took me a few days to read. I’d never seen the movie as the lady in it reminded me too much of a family member I lived next to for several years and I just couldn’t. Not that this family member lived in my driveway but she was ‘eccentric’ haha, and lived in her own style. May she rest in peace! (She was my great-aunt and died at 91 a few years back).
So anyway, I loved the book and now I’m going to hunt out the movie. Enough time has passed that I can watch it happily :)
If you haven’t read the book it is a fab read. It’s so dry and funny, and heartfelt too. Alan Bennett was a good man to let her live on his property, and is a hilarious writer. I am now searching out his other books to read.
The Lady in the Van is cheap enough on Kindle, or you might find it at your library. It’s here to download on Amazon.
Happy reading! And my thanks to you for being wonderful. I have received so many lovely emails and I’m sorry I can’t respond to them personally. Usually I do respond to emails but during my health convalescence there have been many more than usual and I didn’t have the energy. But I appreciate them all, I hope you know that.
So anyway, I loved the book and now I’m going to hunt out the movie. Enough time has passed that I can watch it happily :)
If you haven’t read the book it is a fab read. It’s so dry and funny, and heartfelt too. Alan Bennett was a good man to let her live on his property, and is a hilarious writer. I am now searching out his other books to read.
The Lady in the Van is cheap enough on Kindle, or you might find it at your library. It’s here to download on Amazon.
Happy reading! And my thanks to you for being wonderful. I have received so many lovely emails and I’m sorry I can’t respond to them personally. Usually I do respond to emails but during my health convalescence there have been many more than usual and I didn’t have the energy. But I appreciate them all, I hope you know that.
xx Fiona
PS. I received this gorgeous review on my book The Peaceful Life just recently. I love it so much. If you haven’t read The Peaceful Life it might be just the ticket for times like now. Or a re-read/re-listen if you already have it. It’s here on Amazon on Kindle, in paperback, and as an audiobook too.
Thank you so much for the wonderful review!
[My Amazon links are affiliate, which means I may earn a small commission if you purchase using these links. It’s no extra cost to you, so I really appreciate it if you choose to use my links for any Amazon purchases you might be making!]
