tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130537499074859934.post2759937893202883069..comments2024-03-28T22:30:17.628+13:00Comments on How to be Chic: Reader QuestionFiona Ferrishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01493105915055099408noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130537499074859934.post-36241817883718308252012-02-22T12:35:39.715+13:002012-02-22T12:35:39.715+13:00Dear Fiona,
Thanks for your blog. I recently disco...Dear Fiona,<br />Thanks for your blog. I recently discovered it and really enjoy your take on life.<br />Dear Anonymous,<br />If like me you are the adult child of narcissistic parents and have battled depression and anxiety as a result you probably already know that the well meaning advice to share your feelings and think happy thoughts doesn't work. In order to understand your parents and learn how to deal with them I recommend reading "Children of the Self Absorbed". Another book that I cannot recommend highly enogh is "the Happiness Trap" it taught me how to live a full and meaningful life, while dealing with the pain that is an inevitable part life.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130537499074859934.post-62168049962336774452012-02-05T08:56:13.346+13:002012-02-05T08:56:13.346+13:00Accept, forgive, move on.....Accept, forgive, move on.....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130537499074859934.post-20945857227849391092012-02-04T07:31:09.416+13:002012-02-04T07:31:09.416+13:00Rebecca, Juhli, Bliss, Hostess, Sulky Kitten, Darl...Rebecca, Juhli, Bliss, Hostess, Sulky Kitten, Darlene, Adrienne and Anonymous, thank you very much for adding your thoughts. I learnt a lot too. I have the Four Agreements book so will go back for a proper read.Fiona Ferrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01493105915055099408noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130537499074859934.post-53520241027466672562012-02-03T16:54:04.326+13:002012-02-03T16:54:04.326+13:00Excellent advice Fiona and others. A huge YES to ...Excellent advice Fiona and others. A huge YES to the "Agreements".<br /><br />I've found the act of listing "gratitudes" daily to be proably the most transformational thing I have ever done. I list mine in order of importance to me.<br /><br />In terms of the parents, I one day realized that mine were not as present as I may have liked because they were working tirelessly to provide for us. Stress ruled them. Now I see them with the grandchildren, and they give all the time in the world selflessly.<br /><br />Being a parent can also have its challenges.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130537499074859934.post-82613336387487387502012-02-03T08:54:03.422+13:002012-02-03T08:54:03.422+13:00Fiona,
You are so generous and gracious to help ...Fiona, <br /><br />You are so generous and gracious to help Anonymous the way you have. Your words are very wise - to speak the truth is always the right thing to do in a situation like this involving long-held hurt feelings associated with a loved one. <br /><br />I have been re-reading The Four Agreements and would recommend it to anyone having a difficult time with a relationship. One of the agreements is being impeccable with your word which includes always speaking the truth. <br /><br />I have a hard time with my mother. The difficulties have been ongoing since my late 20's and seem to only worsen with time. A few months ago, I finally decided to set boundaries with her and myself. There are certain behaviors I will not tolerate any longer. I want her in my life, but I also want to protect myself. It's a delicate balance and one that I am far from mastering. But I try. <br /><br />xoxo, AdrienneAdrienne Shubinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05826463555838820028noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130537499074859934.post-61023428103522148132012-02-03T07:05:12.361+13:002012-02-03T07:05:12.361+13:00Fiona you did a very thoughtful and kind job of of...Fiona you did a very thoughtful and kind job of offering your advice.<br /> To Anonymous: I had a similar issue with my parents. Like Fiona I chose how I think about things. What helped me the most was remembering: "We cannot choose our external circumstances, BUT we can always choose how to repond to them." Epictetus<br /> May you find the peace you are searching for...DarleneAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130537499074859934.post-41612871091938241372012-02-03T05:56:14.248+13:002012-02-03T05:56:14.248+13:00To Anonymous - I think Fiona, in her grace and wis...To Anonymous - I think Fiona, in her grace and wisdom, has given you very good advice. I think that you should write to your parents and tell them your thoughts and feelings simply and honestly. Once you do this, you will feel a lot better, because bottling these emotions up seems to be causing you stress in your daily life, that I'm sure you don't need. There's a lot of pressure on all of us (especially women) to make relationships within our families perfect, yet we all know "perfect" doesn't actually exist. From your letter, you sound resentful towards them both for their neglect of you in the past, and for their intrusion into your life now. This has to be addressed before you can move on. You're nearly 37 - it would be a shame to let more years slip by without all of you getting another chance to build the kind of relationship that works for all of you. If it turns out well, that's great - but if it doesn't, you will at least have the consolation that you were honest about your feelings and that you made the effort to try and improve your relationship with them.Either way, you can move on from the limbo you're in now. Good luck.Sulky kittenhttp://www.thesulkykitten.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130537499074859934.post-40770818157063771562012-02-03T04:53:18.827+13:002012-02-03T04:53:18.827+13:00You have written a very gracious and sensitive res...You have written a very gracious and sensitive response here for anonymous. <br /><br />I feel that honesty and speaking from one's heart is always the best policy.<br /><br />Your tips are very much like the ones that I practice Fiona.<br /><br /> I would advise anonymous to buy a beautiful pen and journal and each evening as you get ready for bed take a moment and write down 5 things that you are grateful for...<br />Embracing an attitude of gratitude can turn one's life around.hostess of the humble bungalowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06453827257671312902noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130537499074859934.post-66539815433130906242012-02-03T02:50:13.667+13:002012-02-03T02:50:13.667+13:00Well said, Fiona. I think I am like you in the se...Well said, Fiona. I think I am like you in the sense that I can't see or watch things that are tragic/depressing without it really bringing me down. Recently I tried to read a couple of memoirs written by Holocaust survivors--I started having nightmares at night. I don't want to be seen as someone with her head in the sand--I am very aware of the weightier issues of the world, they are there and I can't change that. I can do my part in not contributing to these negative things and that's how I need to live. <br /><br />As for Anon--all I can say is that I hope she can find her voice and the support she needs. My Belle Fille is struggling (at 24) with unresolved inner conflict of growing up as a child of divorce. We talked at length just the other day about some of it. And while I think it is good she is sorting out these emotions and feelings (esp. since she is seriously dating someone/may get married), I told her there can be a danger in dwelling on them too much. She can't change the past. She can't let it own her, she needs to own it. And she has the power now, today, to move forward and focus on the positives in her life.<br /><br />~~Bliss<br />http://steppingmywaytobliss.wordpress.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130537499074859934.post-32970466800642887262012-02-03T00:28:47.437+13:002012-02-03T00:28:47.437+13:00I think you gave very helpful advice. However the...I think you gave very helpful advice. However the writer may need professional help and support to have the needed conversations and move on with her life happily. It is so hard to tell how seriously unhappy someone is from a post.<br /><br />On the lighter side, I really like your list of things that make you happy and also the analogy of our mind being like a garden. The advice to not focus on things over which you have no control is perfect.<br /><br />Your blog is uplifting and I also enjoy all of your posts.Juhlihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14440147890620303894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130537499074859934.post-46371217471388434622012-02-03T00:27:34.019+13:002012-02-03T00:27:34.019+13:00You've done beautifully in addressing Anonymou...You've done beautifully in addressing Anonymous. Don't underestimate you wisdom :)Rebeccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08740950362293427086noreply@blogger.com